Not getting coal for these songs

Since the bad Christmas list was taking up so much space I decided to separate the good list for another post and another day. That and typing with a broken finger starts to hurt after a while. This list was a little harder to make since there are definitely many more good an not annoying songs around the holidays. Limiting them to the five I like the most was difficult but I did my best so here they are in reverse order, because that's how you do top lists, in reverse order:

#5 - To keep with the way I did #5 on the bad list I will choose a grouping of songs for the good ones as well. Mannheim Steamroller and The Trans-Siberian Orchestra are two groups who have carved their own niche in the Christmas music business and I can say that I enjoy pretty much anything that they make. Even if the original songs aren't the greatest I still enjoy them after either of these two groups awesomify them.

#4 - This next one was actually introduced to me by Mannheim Steamroller which is sad because it has been around for a very long time. It's a Ukrainian work that was originally performed with voice only. It sounds amazing like that as well as with instruments and no voice. Unfortunately it has now been heavily commercialized and ruined by companies like Garmin and Hooters Casino in Las Vegas (don't ask). This has caused it to slip to #4 but it still is an amazing song. Also to keep with the whole synchronized light theme from above I've included another light display synced to the instrumental version. Carol of the Bells:

#3 - This song has the weird position of being on both lists. It's kind of sad that a song which I enjoy so much can be altered and changed to the point where one version of it makes my bad list. Then again maybe it's a good thing showing that no matter how bad you make a song you can still love the original. This simple carol sung by pretty much everyone at every Christmas is one of the first ones I was ever exposed to and still sing to this day. Even the rude Batman Smells or the French Vive le Vent versions are some of my favorites. Jingle Bells:

#2 - Yet another song with good childhood memories comes in at #2. During Christmas there are many special movies and cartoons. I wasn't big on the movies and still haven't seen many of them but I did watch lots of the cartoons when I was growing up. One song from one of the cartoons always plays through my head during Christmas. Unfortunately the cartoon has now been blasphemed with the two computer generated movies but I still love the original show and song anyway. That and I still want a hula-hoop. Christmas Don't Be Late:

#1 - Back to more traditional Christmas songs there is one carol that for some reason I always love listening to. It is a calm, peaceful song that crescendos into something that gives goose bumps every time I hear it. I also tend to prefer the male renditions of this song. For me Christmas isn't complete without hearing this carol at least once. Luckily almost every Christmas concert or musical performance includes this one. My #1 Christmas choice. O Holy Night:

Christmas makes my ears bleed.

It is almost Christmas and as typical with the season we are inundated with holiday music. radio stations either switch over to completely seasonal fare or intermix the occasional song within their rotation. While there are other December holidays with their own music I'd like to focus on the one with the most, Christmas. Sorry Dreidel Song you will have to find someone else's blog for recognition.

Unfortunately there are some really bad and annoying Christmas songs. Anyone who works in retail will attest that after 8 hours straight of listening to bad music you are ready to strangle the nearest reindeer. Then again I've never heard good music in a Gap store and always want to strangle annoying kids in the mall. Maybe it's some evil plot for human population management? Let's start with my five most hated Christmas songs in reverse order:

#5 - For this one it's a huge tie and encompasses an entire genre of music. if I didn't lump these all together I'd need like a Top 100 list to have room for anything else. Any country music singer slaughtering an existing Christmas song or writing an original one falls in at #5. I really don't care what it would be like if Santa drove a red pickup truck or started off hunting reindeer, stay away from holidays, in fact stay away from music all together.

#4 - This song is probably one that came to mind while reading the fifth worst song. While it has a very country vibe to it I don't really think it is a country song. It still is awful though. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer:

#3 - This next "classic" Christmas song is probably one of the more creepy ones. It was written in the 50's so I'm sure it's innocent but for me it's still weird. This has been covered by many modern artists but Jimmy Boyd is the one who made it famous. For me his voice is kinda grating as well. Yes I said "his," this is a guy singing the song. Granted he is 11 at the time but he does sound like a woman. Another womanly man who sang this song is Dee Snyder of twisted Sister. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus:

#2 - This next song would have placed #4 or #5 if only done by the original singer Eartha Kitt but the string of covers make it worse and worse. There is something about this song that exudes annoying. Looking around the web I see this is on many people's lists as well for awful Christmas songs so I am not alone. I couldn't remember who sang the worst version of this song and listening to it over and over by other singers was bringing out the strangle reflex (see above) so I will concede the most annoying version to Madonna's. Santa Baby:

#1 - This last one is kind of an interesting one. I like the song alright but Frank Sinatra's version adds so many annoying parts to it that it completely ruins the song. Combining a spelling lesson with a holiday song is never a good idea. I want to open presents not learn something! On top of that this one play frequently on loops in malls, department stores, and other public places. Most songs get bad after multiple repetitions but this one get annoying at an exponential rate. It's sad too since the original song and its other iterations are some of my favorites. Jingle Bells as sung by Frank Sinatra:

There you have it my 5 most hated, annoying, obnoxious, awful, bad Christmas songs. I am aware that there are probably worse than these (someone pointed out Elton John's Christmas song) but I haven't heard of them as of yet and don't plan to listen to new bad songs just for the list. Instead these are the 5 that first come to mind and are forever stuck in my head. Honorable mention goes to a song I was just introduced to this year. Since it hasn't the same time to annoy me as the other 5 I can't count it for the list... yet. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas:

I wins!

A little while back I found an awesome deal on video games. As a certified gamer nerd I jumped on it. The deal allowed me to get 10% off all video game related purchases on Amazon. The only catch was I had to join a consumer's organization called The ECA. Luckily they were offering free memberships and I could cancel auto renewal so they wouldn't charge me $20 every year. It was a dream come true. Unfortunately, like all dreams, it was going to end.

The free memberships was an attempt to get as many members as possible to bolster their credibility and future profits. There very openly and frequently touted their Amazon discount and said it would pay for the membership fees by itself. With more and more members brings more and more people that are unscrupulous. Some user quickly figured out a way to exploit and stack the discount getting 30% off instead of 10%. This caused Amazon to quickly pull the promotion and members to jump ship in droves. The Amazon discount is the only reason people joined which makes sense since that was what the advertising campaign was focusing on.

This caused quite a stir and many of the legitimate and honest members were rightfully upset. During the whole fiasco they promised us the discount would be back and even kept their advertising the same. In the end the discount was discontinued and they quickly edited their website to claim they never advertised it. No problem they had other discounts right, wrong. Most are useless or normal discounts you can find on any bargain site. 2 more of the good ones, Tritton and Buy.com are also "coming back soon" and not working as advertised respectively. Starting to seem like a scam.

Here is where the fun comes in. Mysteriously people started noticing the cancel auto renewal button missing. Inquiries were rudely answered by their staff saying they never meant to have it and it never worked. They also called paying members names and started deleting all dissenting comments. They said we could use the feedback form to cancel auto-renewal anyway. Some of us tried that and no response. Then they said we had to send in a letter to cancel. They also removed the phone number cancellation method previously listed in their Terms of Service. On top of that they have a clause in their Terms saying they have no responsibility of keeping track of mail they receive. We need to send certified or something similar to prove we canceled. They also gave some rather lame excuses about the Internet was inefficient and snail mail was easier.

For week I tried hard to get this information out and get people to complain. When a company advertises something it can't provide and then makes it really hard to cancel membership it is a SCAM. Their immature responses, name calling, and other unusual behavior supports this. Finally a real consumer group The Consumerist picked up my story along with information from multiple additional parties. Now the web is ablaze. People are upset and hopefully something will get done about this. As my girlfriend can attest I always win!

Note: some of these sites have angry customers who like to swear a lot ;)

Consumerist article

New Consumerist Article that quotes me some more!

CAG Article

Kotaku Article

NeoGAF Article

Joystiq Article

IGN Article

BBB Page

Super late zombie of the month, redux

Look at me I used the word 'redux' Yay! Unfortunately this calendar again fails to impress. It was 10 months of awesome over the top zombie information and then 2 months of utter garbage. With all the zombie popularity lately you would think they could come up with something better than this month's lackluster Virtual Zombie.

Identifying Marks - No clear identifying features; capable of spontaneous mutation

Origin - Genetic manipulation

Gore Factor - Sick

Intelligence - Artificial

Mobility - Unlimited

Hot Spots - Underground, hi-tech laboratories; antiestablishment software design studios

Danger Rating - 13

Yawn, there you have it, 12 months of zombies. It is almost sad this has come to an end but fear not! My cousin has provided more zombie fun to last years. Her Christmas present to me was a couple of books of zombie poetry. That's right zombie poetry! Prepare for next years zombie haikus.

It will be awesome.

Zombies in poetry form.

Trust me, it's not lame.

Gobble gobble!

What a crazy day it has been! I just survived a shopping marathon an figured I'd write a bit about some of the stuff I did today. Hopefully I can apply some sort of coherence to it all.

Turkey Day - Eat turkey, sleep, sleep, sleep, wake up at 11:30pm to go shopping!

Black Friday madness - Studies have been done and have shown that the majority of consumer spending doesn't actually happen on Black Friday (or Cyber Monday for all you nerd folk). Instead the Saturday before Christmas is the winner. To shatter my pre-conceptions even further my girlfriend has notified me that her store has already gotten into "the black" for the year as well. Now the name Black Friday carries next to no meaning for me. Instead I will call it Waste Money Fight Trash Angry Day.

Waste Money Fight Trash Angry Day madness - Much better. I got up around 11:30pm from my turkey coma to get ready and start shopping a bit earlier this year. The outlet mall near my home was opening all stores at midnight with great deals, prizes, and long lines. We get there just after 12:00am and already all the parking spots are filled and the Coach store has a 200 person line in front of it. Personally if I wanted to flush money down the toilet I'd buy Louis Vuitton but that's just me. Anyway we get really lucky on a parking spot and so begins our shopping adventures.

We start at a clothing store, Bass, and they are running a pretty good buy 1 get 2 free sale. At least i assume it's a good sale since the line to check out is over 2 hours long! I didn't even really look and moved from random store to random store. I ended up buying some pants for myself. Yippee my Christmas shopping started with buying myself stuff. Actually there really wasn't much good stuff to buy and most the sales there weren't that appealing to me. I just waited for my mother to finish trying on some clothes at a store called Black and White which had a 40 minutes dressing room wait and we headed back home to pick up the third musketeer in our merry band of early morning deal-getters.

This year this department store called Boscov's was giving out door prizes and was conveniently located next to the store my father wanted to buy out. So there I stood with the huddled masses int he freezing cold waiting for my prize. Strangely it seems too many years of mothering have caused my own mom to forget her own advice. She always wanted us to bundle up as kids before going outside and even offered me a scarf as we headed out. Since when do guys wear scarves? As we stood there shivering I realize that no only is my mother wearing capri-length pants but she also has no socks on, tsk tsk. Lucky for us the store came out early and handed out the prizes. I got the wonderful prize of getting the opportunity of shopping in the store for a $10 discount. I just waited 1 hour in the freezing cold for a coupon and I was happy to do so!

Since we already got our prize we immediately left the line with pretty much everyone else that got their prizes. No way anyone will wait the remaining 30 minutes in the cold for the store to open. In the time we had been waiting my father had already filled the car with stuff from the first store and was on his second trip to buy. I tried hard and succeeded in not buying stupid crap I had no use for at these department stores. Especially my father not so subtly convinced me I didn't want something because it was possible he may have already bought it. These department store really do sell a lot of crap. Chinese slave labor and lax safety laws I salute you!

In the early morning we managed to spend hours in just 2 stores making purchases at least 10 times. I did manage to find some gifts for my future nieces so it was a success for me. We moved on to the worst Waste Money Fight Trash Angry Day stores of them all. The big box retailers. We skipped Walmart which is good since I hear police were called to multiple Walmarts around the US. Darn you robotic hamsters! Darn you to heck!!!! We did, however, go to Target. Let's just say my future nieces are going to be happy this Christmas. Note to self, turn into cute grand daughter to rake in the loot. I only had one thing to get at Target and was hoping to avoid the 100 person long checkout line by coming back later but my dad had found lots of stuff so I dropped off my purchase with him and went to nerd central, Gamestop.

I don't know how they do it but Gamestop had really no good deals whatsoever and still were packed. Heck even I went there knowing this. I kept to my goal of not buying video games until next year and instead bought a gift for a family I don't even really know. Hopefully this makes up for buying stuff for myself. The line in Gamestop had maybe 10 people in it yet it took longer to get through that line than it took my father to get through the aforementioned 100 person target line. Go efficiency. While in line I learned that Old Navy now sells video games (say what?) and helped a lady find Wii stuff.

---Intermission---

This is a long post so deal with it!

At first I assumed she was buying for her kids but it turns out her and her friend were "getting into the Wii experience" for the first times and were buying it for their husbands. There were hopelessly confused by all the random plastic things that come with Wii enjoyment and I gave them a crash course in all things gun attachment related for the Wii. their husbands wanted to shoot things and hunt (it is Pennsylvania after all) and they were getting them the awful, awful, awful hunting games. The nerd part of me yearned to explain how bad these games were and how they shouldn't support shovelware but when I noticed the joy they expressed at getting these gifts for their families I bit my tongue and refrained from explaining to them the finer points of zombie hunting on the Wii. So for those keeping track that is 2 points for Joe at Gamestop. 1 for buying a gift for someone I didn't really know and 1 for increasing the profitability of garbage games on the Wii. Oh my goodness, maybe that's why Gamestop is so popular. It brings out the good in all of us! Oh and I am pretty sure Hurley from the TV show Lost was the guy who rang me up. 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42

Then it was back to the mall to finish up visiting the stores that couldn't force their employees to work at 3am even though the guy who ran the Asian slushie drink stand was there with the rest of us. There really wasn't many good stores in that mall anyway so we defaulted back to the very same store we spent all morning in. After making our gajillionth purchase from the same store it was off to Lowes and then we were done. 13 hours of straight up shopping spanning 2 days. I ended up with 2 points and maybe 4 gifts total and it was worth it. Didn't get to see any fights or stores getting bashed in though. Oh well.

Tip - Amazon has most of the same deals and you don't need to brave the cold at 3am.

Tip - Seems like most stores' temporary early morning sales were "extended." Like I believe they made all new signage that morning to "extend" their sales.

Tip - Do not buy hunting games on the Wii.

Editors note: Just kidding I don't have an editor but I did edit out a lot of more specific gifts that were purchased and the more obvious places i went to buy gifts. even with Christmas lists some surprise is still fun.

Super late zombie of the month

Insert lame excuse here________ work _______ blah blah ________ saving the world. A couple friends have asked me about why I haven't posted this yet and it surprised me that someone other than my girlfriend actually reads this blog. Then it surprised me again that I somehow convinced someone to be my girlfriend. Then we get back to the beginning with the surprise that she actually reads this drivel as well.

I actually hesitated to post this month's zombie because it seems the coven of professional zombie biographers who created this calender got swine flu or something and totally phoned it in for the month of November. This is the stupidest and most worthless month yet when it comes to zombies and I am almost embarrassed to allow this on my blog. OK, I'm really not since I have a PS3 trophy card and a section for spinning fetuses on my blog. For the month of November I present the Alien Zombie. Err, what?

Identifying Marks - No Identifying features during incubation period

Origin - Unknown

Intelligence - Immeasurable

Mobility - Inter-galactic and inter-species roaming capabilities

Hot Spots - Evacuated mining colonies, abandoned space stations, points of terrestrial impact

Danger Rating - 12

So, uh, yeah. Apparently we having alien zombies and they are boring and uninspired. I either forgot to copy down the gore factor before leaving work or the calendar people forgot to make up some off-topic word to describe it. I really don't want to justify this month's zombie with any sort of write up so I won't.

Zombie of the month

Wow am I late with this month's zombie. I think the excuse I will use is that my work is blocking all our non-work Internet access so I can't update this as easy seeing as the calendar is at work. Ok, so technically blogger isn't blocked but with everyone watching the Internet usage closely right now I probably shouldn't be blogging from work anyway even if it is just to do the zombies.

One of the freakiest and most disturbing things in horror movies for me is closely related to this month's zombie. Evil children of any kind for some reason just plain freak me out. Whether they be demons, zombies, girl's stuck in wells or dybbuks (see below) they all give me nightmares. So here goes nothing, the Child Zombie!

Identifying Marks - Sunken eyes; discolored flesh; open wounds; delayed motor response; limited speech capability (i.e., low growls and moans)

Origin - Cosmic radiation; hell runneth over

Gore Factor - Particularly upsetting

Intelligence - Low; manipulative

Mobility - Slow with long-range roaming capabilities; lures victims

Hot Spots - Churches; abandoned schools; parks

Danger Rating - 11

I can't say I've ever heard of zombies created by cosmic radiation. I'm, pretty sure that's how Marvel superheroes are created so maybe the author of this got confused. Then again maybe there was a zombie X-Men or something. This month comes at a good time since I just finally got around to watching the movie The Unborn. Unfortunately that movie sucked. But at least the kid was freaky. Who cares how awful the movie was if that kid remained in my dreams for days to come? He technically wasn't a zombie but a dybbuk but close enough in my book.

I am a nerd. I like nerd things.

So anyone that knows me is well aware of this fact. I am a nerd. I have a computer degree, I am a software tester and I play tons of video games. Since I do nerd stuff so others don't have to I would like to share some of the things I enjoy. This way if anyone has the desire to join the nerdery or are curious as to how us nerds live I can highlight some of it.

Nerds like web comics, more specifically web comics about science, math and video games.

Two of my more favorite web comics are Penny Arcade and XKCD. Both of these are pretty well known even outside the nerd circles. Penny Arcade focuses mainly on video game culture and D&D so it may be a bit out there for some people. Heck I don't even get the humor some of the time either. XKCD covers the gamut of nerd friendly topics. They touch on video games, math, science, quantum physics, relationships, the collected works of Joss Whedon, and sci fi (sy fy if your CEO is a moron), and much much more. Ok you got me there, relationships aren't very nerdy but then again it seemed like the nerd majors in college had more married students than other. I highly recommend both sites but a word of warning to the kiddies that read my blog (where are your parents!) these comic do contain strong language and sometimes touch upon mature subjects so be careful.

Another nerdy habit of mine is to listen to video game related music from time to time. I don't really get into it that much though. Players of the game Rock Band may notice very strange songs on the download list from PAX. That type of stuff I normally don't like. Instead I listen to things like the remixed Chrono Trigger soundtrack. Chrono Trigger was one of the best games ever made and had great music to begin with. A group of fans took it a step further and remixed the songs which sound great. Lovers of classical music should also appreciate it since it is heavy on the full orchestra.

A more recent discovery of mine is a group called Anamanaguchi. They basically hacked (nerds love hacking) open an old school Nintendo and produce music through that. It has quite an interesting sound to it and their videos are all done in old video game graphics and timed to match the music. It is really an interesting idea and I recommend it to those looking for something different.

Lastly I would just like to point out that I like video games a lot and recently have been playing a lot of PS3. Current generation systems have things called trophies or achievements that basically provide you a list of time wasting goals to complete in games above and beyond the normal story. I found a neat site that updates an image with my progress and I felt like adding it to the blog. If it isn't up by the time you read this then I guess I wasn't nerdy enough to figure out how to code it in.

Oh and nerds also like to include lots of hyperlinks in their blogs. Enjoy!

Poak Chops

Recently my roommate took a trip down south to visit his family. While down there he had the pleasure of meeting with a musician named Tamechi who introduced him to his hit single Poak Chops. For those of you that don't speak "dirty south," poak chops are things you can shake on the dance floor. Obviously this is going to be one heck of a music video:

After watching that I was reminded of another set of music videos someone recently showed to me. I present to you Ms. Peachez:

I wasn't previously aware at how prevalent the whole transvestite, food related rap industry was but consider me enlightened. The similarities between the videos are many as well. All the videos have main singers dressed up as women, food related lyrics, tons of children gettin' freaky on the dance floor (and by dance floor I mean the backyard), booty shaking, and are set in very rundown parts of the south. I think out of the three Poak Chops is my favorite. I may even consider picking up the single on iTunes.

Zombie of the month

It is kind of sad my only posts lately have been zombie of the month posts but I just haven't felt like writing recently and have also been very busy. Oh crap now I sound like everyone else who neglects their blogs. Um I mean I haven't written lately because I am training for the world record in watermelon seed spitting and my coach disallows Internet usage as it causes lack of concentration. Much better.

The zombie for this month comes from across the pond and is also the only zombie showing its national pride in its name, the British Zombie!

Identifying Marks - Red eyes; discolored flesh; open wounds; immediate, lethal motor response; limited speech capability (i.e. snarls and shrieks)

Origin - Medical mishap; viral transmission

Gore Factor - Bloody awful

Intelligence - High

Mobility - Fast with medium-range roaming capabilities

Hot Spots - Merry Olde England; classic horror remakes

Danger Rating - 10

Wow a danger rating of 10!! I am never going to England again. All those jokes about bad teeth must be referring to the decay caused by an all brain diet. The British do love their sweetbreads. As for this mysterious country called "classic horror remakes," I wasn't familiar with it so I consulted Google maps. This pinpointed the homeworld of these zombies in Burbank California. So residents near Burbank and Cahuenga Boulevards beware. There be British amongst ye!

Note: I would have Binged (I wish this never becomes a real word) it but Microsoft is in cahoots with zombies and refuses to disclose their location as is proven by the following photograph.

Waste of space

Someone commented to me recently that I have been blogging less now that I am dating again. Interesting observation....

Zombie of the month

Since tomorrow is Saturday and this calendar is at my workplace you get the zombie of the month 1 day early! Lucky you. This month's zombie is the dreaded Atomic Zombie! Whatever that is...

Identifying Marks - Green eyes; pale skin; open seeping sores; instantaneous motor response; limited speech capability (i.e., screeches and shrieks)

Origin - Nuclear mishap; toxic-waste exposure

Gore Factor - Nasty

Intelligence - Low

Mobility - Low-range roaming capabilities; unexpected outbursts of radical violence

Hot Spots - Nevada; the former U.S.S.R.; North Korea

Danger Rating - 9

Not really sure what an Atomic Zombie is or why violent outbursts are classified as a mobility type but apparently they do exist except in limited areas. These limited areas yet again prove that the 3 Mile Island incident was not a bad thing but a good display of the effectiveness of the safety system in place. Even with as much human error as there was on that day the system still shutdown and worked as designed to prevent a true disaster, namely the creation of Atomic Zombies. Too bad everyone is still afraid of nuclear power.

Unlike the dog from last month this type of zombie doesn't seem to be too popular in video games or media and the American variety is currently gainfully employed in the making of those really annoying bikes that take up the road when you are late for work. I did however manage to find one picture of the North Korean variety. I think the glasses are to hide the trademark green eyes.

Joe's adventures in sexting.

Yeah you read that right, sexting. It's the new cellphone craze where you send nekkid pictures of yourself and receive then in return from the person you are sexting with. All the cool kids are doing it! Ok, I admit I just used that title to get your attention but I really do have a sexting story to share even though it is quite creepy.

I was just sitting at work one day hard at work and minding my own business. Notice how all bad stories start with "minding my own business" in the first few sentences? And I get this text message froma number I didn't recognize. I looked up the area code in google and it was from Texas. I have friends in Texas so I figured it may be one of them using a friend's/wife's phone or something. Here is how the conversation played out with the addition of my commentary on what I was thinking in paranthesis:

Unkown Caller: U there

Me: Yes who is this?

Unknown Caller: Ed

(Urge to ask a question about horses rising....)

Me: Ed who?

Ed: Ed

(At this point I figured it was a computer text spammer that would just answer "Ed" every time it saw the word "who" so I decided to mess with it)

Me: So if i type who you auto respond

Ed: Do what? Im confused

(I guess I confused him into thinking it was some secret password thing)

Ed: Did u get the pics i sent u yet

(This can't be good)

Me: I am trying to figure out who you are and it looked like you are a spam company

Ed: No spam co. Didnt we talk yesterday

Me: About?

Ed: We talked about us what we looked like u told me u would send pics of..........and i told u i would send pics of stuff

(I like his use of ".........." yadda yadda yadda would have worked to. I can't image which "stuff" he was trying to send me pictures of)

Me: You have the wrong number im afraid

Ed: Im so sorry how embarassing

("Go ahead and take a seat, take a seat right there." Sorry that was a South Park reference for those of you that didn't catch it)

Ed: Did i send pics 2 u by accident

(Thank goodness no)

Me: Negative

Ed: Ok good. Sorry

What is even creepier is no less than maybe 30 minutes later I get another random text, this time from Pennsylvania, that ended up being something very similar. So I can only hope this was from some stupid dating site and not child predators but who knows. Maybe it was Zac Efron getting the latest nudie shot from Vanessa Hudgens and my number is close. Who knows. just a very uncomfortable incident that has scarred my phone forever.

Love thy neighbor

When I first was looking at buying the house I currently own I had heard rumors that the neighborhood was upset at me for buying it. They didn't want some dirty, single student trash type living in their neighborhood. I don't blame them either; I'm a horrible person that should probably be locked away forever. This of course worried me some. I didn't want to move into a hostile situation. That really isn't what I was looking for. In the end I decided it was all a silly rumor and I went forward with purchasing my first home.

Fast forward to today and I'm just about to head out the door to work. I hear the doorbell ring and found it strange seeing as nobody I know is awake at 7:30 in the morning unless they are headed to work. At first I thought they were solicitors though usually I don't get any of those types until the evenings. Upon closer inspection I saw that their badges were for the Provo City Code Enforcement Agency. Are they even considered an agency? Maybe it said group, or club, or secret society of affluent future politicians. It was early and I was tired so I forget exactly what their title was. Basically somebody was tattling on me for something and they were here to enforce it.

Their first gripe was they had reports I was living with tons of renters. Granted this is a very valid concern in Provo with all the students and illegal apartments going on but I only live with 1 person. I do have a cat though and he weighs like 20 lbs so maybe he makes me go over the occupancy limit. I explained this to them and they gave me a shocked and disbelieving look. I was very close to showing them that I have two completely empty bedrooms, almost no furniture whatsoever, an empty fridge, and the only roommate I have was living in the smallest room of my house. Instead I ignored their thinly veiled accusation I was lying (they asked me if I was sure I only have one roommate) and I explained to them that my brother was planning to move in later as well as one more friend. Immediately they told me that would not be allowed. Err, I've read to zoning laws and I am completely legal. The law states 1 head of household, all family members (note; Provo does not consider cousins or in-laws family), and no more than 2 non related singles.

After I corrected them on their incorrect knowledge of the laws they are to enforce they switched to complaining about my lawn. I'll admit I didn't check the city laws about lawn condition but then again should I need to? Lawn care is usually something left to Home Owner's Associations and my neighborhood does not have one. I looked earlier today and the only thing I can find so far about lawn condition is if you store junk in your lawn or have so many overgrown weeds that a fire hazard is present. My lawn is dead, plain and simple. I watered it for a couple weeks and nothing grew but a few small weeds so I gave up. It is the middle of the summer and I just moved in what exactly do they want me to do? The previous owner trashed the place and never took care of anything so it really isn't my problem. I want a nice green lawn too but right now it isn't the right time to seed and I don't have sufficient money to fix something I find as a secondary luxury.

I think they realized they were wrong about being able to get me on my lawn so they moved to their third problem, the pieces of fencing stored in my RV parking at the side of my house and the small play shed at the end of my parking area in the back yard. Again this is something I thought was normally handled by a Home Owner's Association and not city officials unless it reaches the level of fire, health or other safety hazard. I have a small children's play shed and a couple pieces of vinyl and metal fencing. While unsightly these objects are not hazardous and they have been on the properly for probably 5 or more years. When I bought the house the sellers agreed to remove the shed which among multiple other things she lied about. I have been unsuccessful in getting her to do what she said she would so I am working on getting that stuff cleaned up. But seriously this stuff including the poorly maintained lawn has been this way for years. Why wait until the filthy non-breeder moves in to make a big fuss over it?

After making me late for work the agent finally agreed I was doing what I needed to remedy the situation and left saying they would mail me a letter with all my "violations" in it. I am kind of interested to see what they try to hit me with since it is all baseless. This does frustrate me though. I went around and tried to meet and talk with all my neighbors to alleviate their concerns and explain what I was doing but I guess either someone lied to my face or the neighbors I have yet to talk to were offended I did not grace them with my presence.

Provo laws are discriminatory enough without overzealous neighbors trying to throw their weight around. First of all, I'm not technically a single person. I'm a divorcee just like the previous owner who was not harassed. Second, I am not a student. So all their misguided hatred towards students is unfounded. Third, I want to make the place nice. I have heard horror stories about the previous owners. I have seen the damage and neglect to the property first hand and I am trying to fix things. I'm not going to trash the place like the last owners. Fourth, just because I don't have children doesn't make me any less of a citizen or person. It's not my fault my wife abandoned me. I know of married couples without kids and no one complains to them. I mean if it is that big of a deal I can invite women of questionable standards over and make some. That would really add some class to the neighborhood. Lastly, just back off. If you got problems come to me and tell me to my face. Don't send people to do your dirty work with semi made up rules and fancy badges. I just drove through the neighborhood on my way to work and guess what? Someone else has a dead lawn they are repairing. Someone else stores construction materials in their driveway. Other people are renting. Other people don't have kids. Other people go to school. It's not that big a deal.

I guess some good will come of this. I will definitely be taking local elections more seriously from now on. I don't understand why us marriage-impaired don't rise up and fight against the discrimination. Their are more of us after all.

Zombie of the month

Every year our manager buys calendars for all the supervisor level employees in our department. These calendars range from workplace themed calendars like a cubicle decoration calendar to the more wacky 12 months of pirates calendar. They had an extra one (and by extra I mean unwanted) this year and it was gifted to me by one of the project managers. I present to you the Boogeymanuals Zombie Field Guide Calendar! That's right, I was given a zombie calendar at work, complete with all the requisite blood splatter backgrounds, grotesque faces, and somewhere in there is a very small calendar. Why ruin a perfectly good calendar with things like days of the week and month names? For the month of July we have the Dog Zombie:

Identifying Marks - Red eyes; oily, matted fur; open wounds with possible parasitic infestation; advanced motor response with lethal consequences; basic canine speech capability (i.e., snarls and growls)

Origin - Viral transmission

Gore Factor - Visceral; rabid

Intelligence - Medium

Mobility - Quick bursts of acceleration combined with superior agility

Hot Spots - Private medical facilities; government agencies

Danger Rating - 8

I always knew that the government was creating these undead dog armies but I had no idea they hoarded them in hospitals. Yet another reason to hate going to see doctors. Luckily I always carry a sawed-off shotgun and grenade launcher in my pocket to take care of any zombies I encounter having superior agility. Now I just need to figure out what a gore factor of "rabid" is referring to.

Skeptoid

I looked back and I guess my recent posts have mostly been negative rants. This one should be a much happier tone. I am a little late in the game but I have started listening to podcasts lately. The nerd in me wants to listen to all the gamer podcasts but I figure I read enough gaming and computer articles that there is no need to listen to people read them to me. Instead I try to vary my podcasts a little. My first two were the official Lost podcast and the BS Report. The Lost podcast really is only for those who follow the show, which everyone should be watching anyway. The BS report is a humorous mostly sports related podcast put out by Bill Simmons, a popular ESPN columnist. I highly recommend it but what I really want to talk about is the newest podcast I found.

As is also the title of my post this podcast is called Skeptoid. It is dedicated to debunking urban legends, discussing scientific explanations for things, and discussing weird pop culture phenomena. It is a fun podcast that touches subjects like aliens, bunk science, politics, conspiracy theories and the like. His most recent podcast about Sarah Palin I found very very good and regardless of your political leanings I would recommend a listen. Some other good ones are the ones about high fructose corn syrup, FEMA prison camps and any of the listener feedback ones.

Overall he has 150+ podcasts and his site has transcripts and other ways to listen for those that don't have iPods *cough* Dan and his crappy Zune *cough* as well as other things he writes about and does. I really enjoy what he does and I hope you do as well.

Some people should not be allowed to reproduce.

It may be mean but it is true. I probably won't be a perfect father either but seriously it's ridiculous how little some people care. I see evidence of this every time I'm in public whether it be the mall, in a park, at a restaurant and especially at movie theaters which is what I want to discuss further.

I just got back from watching the new Transformers movie and while I enjoyed it the kids were just plain out of control. I understand it is a movie based on a cartoon but it is rated PG-13 for a reason. It is such a simple rating to understand too. None of this confusing G, PG and R stuff. It has the age right in the name; 13, meaning appropriate for 13 and up. There was lots of swearing, violence, sex jokes, drugs and more in the movie. I know I'm not judge the for when a person is old enough to view these sorts of things but when a 6 year old is laughing about a crude reference to losing one's virginity (think fruit) it is obvious she's seen way too many movies she shouldn't have.

But I digress. What I really want to touch on is the lack of parenting leading to the bad behavior at the theater tonight. I'll go by age group starting with infants; those who are completely reliant on their parents to protect them and care for them. Movies are NOT a place for infants, period. They do not understand where they are or what is going on. Loud sounds frighten them and can damage their hearing. Get a babysitter or don't go. When you become a parent you need to make some sacrifices. I know of no movie good enough to sacrifice my child's well being for. I understand that you need to get away every once and a while and have some time on your own but guess what? When you bring your baby with you to a movie theater you still aren't spending time on your own. Every single time there was a fight scene or explosion at least one child starting screaming. I counted at least 4 different crying babies throughout the movie and not a single one of them was ever taken to the hallway. Unacceptable.

Next comes the age when you should know how to behave but sometimes need reminding. These are the ones aged around 5-10 years old. Given their display tonight I will refer to them as "Climbers." I already mentioned that there shouldn't be any Climbers watching this movie but this theater was chock full of them. I mentioned to my friends that the Climbers behind me weren't as bad as the ones behind them but that was only because I got my seat kicked 2-3 times instead of throughout the entire movie. See the problem with the Climbers age group is they have a very short attention span. You lose them in 5 minutes so good luck trying to get them through a 2.5 hour movie. The ones behind us decided that climbing around the seats was the best use of their time. There was another in front that was let run up and down the aisle as well as allowed to climb the 10 foot wall next to the stairs. For those of you not following the math, child + 10 foot fall = bad parents. Some Climbers also got bored climbing inanimate objects and decided that sitting and climbing in mom's lap was more fun. I had one child in front of me that kept bouncing or jumping in his mom's lap throughout the last half of the movie. It is really hard to watch a movie seeing a shape bouncing around out of the corner of my eye. If your kid is bored take him home. The movie wasn't right for him in the first place and there is no way you can concentrate on it with a child jumping around.

Moving on we get to the t'weens and teens. Quite possibly the worst age group because they should know better. I guess I can't directly blame parents for these ones since most are unaccompanied but my guess is lack of discipline led to certain behaviors. We purposefully avoided sitting near three boys I dub the "Punch Brothers" because they could not resist repeatedly punching each other the entire time in line. Sitting near them was just asking for trouble. Unfortunately we got stuck sitting around those that are so addicted to text messaging they just can't resist for a couple hours. Multiple times before the movie they ask you to silence your phones. That is hard enough for people to understand so many theaters are saying now to turn phones off and specifically saying NO TEXTING! Sorry let me rephrase, PLS NO TXTING!!!11!! It's bad enough hearing your phone vibrate every 5 seconds but when you open your phone it turns on a light. News flash! You are in a dark theater so any light source is going to be a distraction to everyone around you. I really think theaters should be monitoring and kicking people out for this. A girl behind me even started talking on her phone at one point. The evil glare shut her up pretty fast (at least t'weens are still young enough to be intimidated).

Common courtesy is all I ask. I don't mind soft talking. I don't mind laughing. Heck I don't even mind if a child is starting to become fussy and is immediately taken out to the hall. It is the complete disregard for anyone else that bothers me. Unfortunately I am at a loss as to what can be done. I can't just avoid kids movies because non-kids movies are chock full of kids. Plus, Harry Potter and even Spongebob had more well behaved kids than tonight. I can't wait for a movie to lose popularity enough to have empty theaters either. All my friends usually discuss new movies and what would be the point of paying the outrageous ticket prices to see an old movie relegated to the smaller and older theater rooms? My only attempt at a solution is that theaters start kicking more people out as examples and that we don't let some people have kids. Though I do wonder what would be more difficult, enforcing rules or forced sterilization.

On a side note, Gamestop and similar video game retailers are NOT daycare centers and Grand Theft Auto is NOT a good video game for a 3rd grader. Then again maybe I'm completely off base and shooting hookers after sleeping with them is good for kids.

Outsourced call center to the rescue! The saga of Joe vs the deadbeat Ebay seller.

This whole story began when I decided that I wanted to buy Rockband 2. Being a cheapskate I found a bunch of used sets on Ebay for a pretty good price. I purposefully avoided the obvious wholesalers thinking that if I bought from a person instead there was a better chance of getting the game in better condition. I found a seller that had no selling feedback and low buying feedback (a red flag I know) but when I asked him about the condition of his game he immediately responded which is rare with scam sellers. The feedback he did have also checked out as legit and not "purchased" feedback. This is where my troubles began. On May 15th I won the auction and immediately tried to send payment. When using the Paypal button to checkout I got an error message stating that there was a problem with the user's account and to arrange payment through another means. In my experience this is always a bad thing and whenever there is a problem with a user's Paypal account it means investigation, fraud, delinquency or something else bad. I immediately sent the seller a message through the Ebay messaging system and then called Ebay directly to find out how to proceed and how to make sure I was protected. The Ebay agent was very helpful and suggested I contact the seller for an alternate Paypal address to send payment to and then to note in the payment details I was paying for an auction. I was a little wary of this but she guaranteed Ebay could track the payment and would link it to the auction as if I used the checkout button (which as fishy as it sounds turned out to be true). The seller quickly responded with an alternate account, I sent payment, and he responded asking for an address to ship to. I assumed this meant he was shipping the next day and all would be well.

About a week later I hadn't heard from the seller and was expecting a tracking number. The auction clearly states that I was paying for UPS Ground shipping with insurance so I assumed I would be getting a tracking number. No response. I again sent a message asking for a tracking number and notifying the seller I would be moving soon and I had given him plenty of time to ship the game to me before that would happen but at the very least if I had the UPS tracking number I could have them hold it for pickup or I could have them change the end address if needed. Again, no response. Finally I get a message from the seller on May 27th (2 weeks after payment) that he was having account problems and would ship ASAP. He hadn't even shipped it yet!! At this point I was getting very worried I was being ripped off but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and sent him my new address to ship to. I figured by the time it got to me I would have been moved in already and again with a UPS tracking number I could deal with them and make sure I got the package ok. I again received no response and filed a dispute claim with Paypal on June 4th.

Another week goes by and no response from the seller and no updates to the case. Things were looking good and I figured Paypal would end up ruling in my favor. I sent another message to the seller through Ebay's messaging system telling him to not even worry about trying to ship the game at this point (it had been almost a month since payment) and to just refund my money so we both could move on). I had already found the game through another seller at this point because I was tired of waiting and figured he was never going to send anyway. I had also called Paypal and they agreed with me that the buyer should just refund the money and it was ok that I had bought the game elsewhere at this point. They just needed to wait the allotted time before they could issue my refund. I guess asking for my money back were the magic words because almost immediately after the seller ships the package and notifies Paypal of this (June 10th). I start to get anxious. I don't want two copies of the game and I just wanted my money back. I immediately call Paypal and ask them what I should do. They again said it was ok and I should get a refund. All I needed to do was refuse the package and have it returned to the seller. Once that happens they can immediately refund my money. This is where the fun begins.

I realize that the seller did not ship the item via UPS and instead sent it USPS with a delivery confirmation. Even worse he shipped it to my old address and I had already moved to my new house. So I call 1-800-ASK-USPS and tried to get assistance on how to proceed. For those that aren't aware the USPS apparently cannot intercept and refuse packages mid delivery. From what I understand UPS and Fedex both can. I also find out delivery confirmation is not really a tracking method (more on that later) and I would have to wait for them to deliver the package before I could return it to the seller. I figured I'd still be ok so I waited for the package to arrive and checked the delivery status multiple times a day to see where the package was. On June 18th I see a status change and the package was scanned "Undeliverable as Addressed." I was unsure what to do again so I called the USPS and was told this meant the same as the package being refused and it would be returned to sender. They reiterated that delivery confirmation was not a tracking service and that it would most likely not be updated until it arrived back at the seller's post office. I asked the agent again if she was sure it was being returned and she assured me it was. I then called Paypal and told them what I was just told and asked if "Undeliverable as Addressed" status would be good enough for a refund. They said it wasn't but when it is marked as returned to the original post office I would get my refund then. I thought I was finally done.

Surprise! I get home the next day and I see a crushed, torn, and completely mangled box at my house. Apparently someone at the post office hand wrote "Current Resident" and my new address on a piece of paper and taped it to the front of the package. Then they sent it to my new house. I was appalled. Not only was "Current Resident" completely unacceptable for a package worth over $100 that was supposedly being "tracked" but I was just told the night before by a USPS employee the package was being returned. Not to mention the box was sealed with at least 3 types of tape, was crushed, had old Fedex labels on it, and was torn in parts. When I picked up the package to take to the post office it was obvious no packing materials were used within and you could hear the metal and plastic pieces banging into each other. I never opened it so I don't know what was inside but I'm guessing mangled plastic mess. I went to my post office and when at the counter asked to have the package refused and returned to sender. They said they would do so but were wary given the damage of the package. I explained that it was how I received it and they said they would send it back but they weren't sure if status would get scanned as refused but should be scanned once it reached the originating address. Again this was worrisome so I called Paypal and the USPS one more time. The man at Paypal was sympathetic and though it ludicrous that I refused a package yet the post office wasn't sure if it would ever be marked as such but again assured me it would be alright and I would get my refund once it arrives at the seller's address. He also mentioned that if it somehow found its way back to my house I could file a complaint about the condition of the product and get refunded that way. The call with the USPS was not as comforting. The lady was rude and very unwilling to help. She repeatedly mentioned USPS policy that a delivery confirmation was not a tracking method and should not be used as such. She also mentioned that it can be wrong and often when things are returned they are not scanned as such. She would then fall back on the policy that it was not a tracking method and was not the USPS's problem if someone else thought it was. I even asked her in a court of law if delivery confirmation could be used and she mumbled something and quickly changed the subject. The post office was now closed so I could not go back and I didn't have the tracking number on my person anymore so she refused to assist me further until I could give her the number for the package.

I waited for the weekend to pass and the status still had not changed for the package so I again called the USPS help line and initiated some sort of trace on the package. The agent again noted that delivery confirmation is not a tracking system and should not be used as such but that they would locate the package and update the status. She also told me an agent would call me by the end of the next business day and notify me of the status change. The next business day came and went and no phone call or status update occurred. I again called Paypal to get further advice on how to proceed. Upon hearing that the USPS delivery confirmation was being used the Paypal agent quickly stated that she knew the USPS often doesn't scan things as refused or returned to sender and that it would probably stay marked as delivered. This infuriated me since I was doing everything the Paypal agents were telling me I needed to do and not once did any of them mention that they already knew the delivery confirmation status would be a problem. She then said other things which angered me even further. She claims that regardless what the auction states, the seller can use any shipping method they choose without penalty. This basically means you can pay someone for overnight UPS and the seller can ship it any way they want without penalty. She also said that even though USPS policy states delivery confirmation isn't a tracking method Paypal sees it as such so if I wanted a refund the USPS has to issue it. The last crazy thing she said was that at any time now the seller can call them and get the dispute closed in his favor just by pointing out the delivery confirmation says delivered. There was no way I could get judgement delayed until I dealt with USPS and there was no way they were going to deal with USPS or find out what was going on. As long as the Internet posted status said "Delivered" I was out of luck. Even if it got changed to refused later on I would not be able to reopen the claim but I could try to attempt an appeal. She said it was USPS at fault and that she sees them mess up in this manner all the time. So basically I have, at the direction of Paypal employees returned the game back to the seller and have next to no chance of getting my money back. They want me to get my money back from the USPS who are falling back on their policy that delivery confirmation is not a tracking system. At last resort I decided to give Ebay a call.

Success!! I know there are many who bash Ebay and Paypal support but let me tell you they are completely different experiences. I was also wary at first, I was being transferred to an outsourced, foreign call center that probably had no idea about the perils of the US postal system or anything about my account or policies. Instead I was greeted by a very friendly agent who knew exactly what to do. I really wish I could remember her name but she listened to me rant a bit and took a look at my account. She apologized for the trouble and then transferred me to a special case team for preferred clients. I guess this is Ebay's version of executive customer support. I was connected with Sayiid and he listened attentively to my entire story. He apologized and related how he hears these USPS horror stories all the time and could sympathize. He also took a look at my account and offered a solution. He understood that I no longer had the game in my possession but was unable to prove the true status of the package and that I was getting the runaround by both Paypal and the USPS. He immediately offered me a refund and said that I would no longer have to worry about it. He would close the claim, refund the money, and said I could forget about the whole situation. It didn't matter where the package ended up or who was at fault. I am pretty sure Ebay is just going to take the hit. Personally I would like to see the seller penalized for doing what he did but I am glad to be done with it all. For those out there wanting to get a cheap copy of Rockband 2 I would avoid Ebay seller masensmith78 as he will probably try to resell the game once he gets it back and make another quick $100 ripping someone else off. Plus even if he does ship that game is probably in horrible condition by now.

All in all I learned not to judge a call center based on their location or accents and once you have exhausted all your options with Paypal and the shipper you can always fall back on Ebay's own separate resolution department. Kudos to you Ebay, I will continue to be a happy user of your services. Too bad I have to use Paypal in order to do so.

Some after shots

I know it has been a while since I last posted. I've been busy with the house and things are going a little slower than expected on the remodeling, unpacking, organizing etc.... I took a couple shots of some of the room since I've moved in. The floors are done but I'm still waiting on the manufacturer for the base boards. I also have boxes of stuff still sitting in places and things I'm not sure where to put yet. I also need more furniture but I'm working on that.

Family Room - Before



Family Room - After



Dining Room - Before



Dining Room - After




I will have more up once I get the living room finished and the baseboards put in.

New look

I got a couple new templates so we'll see which I like the best and decide to stick with.  Your comments are appreciated.

The before time

As I posted in an earlier entry I recently paid off my car and got out of debt.  I was at a loss what to do next so I figured I'd get back into debt again.  This time I decided to sign away the next 30 years of my life instead of the 2 years for the car.  I just bought a house!  Why a house you ask?  Well at this stage in my life it just felt right.  I had (and still have) plans to eventually move back out east and officially settle down but right now I think the thing I want most is stability.  Moving means new people, new places, and new job if I can even get one.  That was something I really didn't feel good about and right now with the (insert the economy sucks comment here______) yada yada yada I figured I would settle in for now and check back again in 5-10 years.  

Then came my next predicament.  I wanted a house that was large, in Provo, and not attached to any other houses.  I am not a huge fan of townhouses or duplexes especially since they are often inhabited by annoying neighbors (especially the rude people upstairs).  Learn to discipline your children sheesh!!  This would prove to be difficult because large and in Provo means more expensive than most houses.  I had friends showing me houses in Texas or North Carolina that were very nice and cheap but obviously the in Provo criteria was not met.  I was willing to pay a slight premium for location.  (On a side note don't ask me why I wanted in Provo.  I really don't know but it feels right).  

Then I got lucky and found a house the size I want in Provo and the best part was it was in my price range.  The negative part of that is that it was neglected and needed work.  Lots of work.  I don't know how people can live in a house they neglected so badly but I guess it is really none of my business.  As with most home improvement projects I have take before pictures and will update with after pictures once I get stuff done.  I'll post a few in the blog and you can view the rest here.