Love thy neighbor

When I first was looking at buying the house I currently own I had heard rumors that the neighborhood was upset at me for buying it. They didn't want some dirty, single student trash type living in their neighborhood. I don't blame them either; I'm a horrible person that should probably be locked away forever. This of course worried me some. I didn't want to move into a hostile situation. That really isn't what I was looking for. In the end I decided it was all a silly rumor and I went forward with purchasing my first home.

Fast forward to today and I'm just about to head out the door to work. I hear the doorbell ring and found it strange seeing as nobody I know is awake at 7:30 in the morning unless they are headed to work. At first I thought they were solicitors though usually I don't get any of those types until the evenings. Upon closer inspection I saw that their badges were for the Provo City Code Enforcement Agency. Are they even considered an agency? Maybe it said group, or club, or secret society of affluent future politicians. It was early and I was tired so I forget exactly what their title was. Basically somebody was tattling on me for something and they were here to enforce it.

Their first gripe was they had reports I was living with tons of renters. Granted this is a very valid concern in Provo with all the students and illegal apartments going on but I only live with 1 person. I do have a cat though and he weighs like 20 lbs so maybe he makes me go over the occupancy limit. I explained this to them and they gave me a shocked and disbelieving look. I was very close to showing them that I have two completely empty bedrooms, almost no furniture whatsoever, an empty fridge, and the only roommate I have was living in the smallest room of my house. Instead I ignored their thinly veiled accusation I was lying (they asked me if I was sure I only have one roommate) and I explained to them that my brother was planning to move in later as well as one more friend. Immediately they told me that would not be allowed. Err, I've read to zoning laws and I am completely legal. The law states 1 head of household, all family members (note; Provo does not consider cousins or in-laws family), and no more than 2 non related singles.

After I corrected them on their incorrect knowledge of the laws they are to enforce they switched to complaining about my lawn. I'll admit I didn't check the city laws about lawn condition but then again should I need to? Lawn care is usually something left to Home Owner's Associations and my neighborhood does not have one. I looked earlier today and the only thing I can find so far about lawn condition is if you store junk in your lawn or have so many overgrown weeds that a fire hazard is present. My lawn is dead, plain and simple. I watered it for a couple weeks and nothing grew but a few small weeds so I gave up. It is the middle of the summer and I just moved in what exactly do they want me to do? The previous owner trashed the place and never took care of anything so it really isn't my problem. I want a nice green lawn too but right now it isn't the right time to seed and I don't have sufficient money to fix something I find as a secondary luxury.

I think they realized they were wrong about being able to get me on my lawn so they moved to their third problem, the pieces of fencing stored in my RV parking at the side of my house and the small play shed at the end of my parking area in the back yard. Again this is something I thought was normally handled by a Home Owner's Association and not city officials unless it reaches the level of fire, health or other safety hazard. I have a small children's play shed and a couple pieces of vinyl and metal fencing. While unsightly these objects are not hazardous and they have been on the properly for probably 5 or more years. When I bought the house the sellers agreed to remove the shed which among multiple other things she lied about. I have been unsuccessful in getting her to do what she said she would so I am working on getting that stuff cleaned up. But seriously this stuff including the poorly maintained lawn has been this way for years. Why wait until the filthy non-breeder moves in to make a big fuss over it?

After making me late for work the agent finally agreed I was doing what I needed to remedy the situation and left saying they would mail me a letter with all my "violations" in it. I am kind of interested to see what they try to hit me with since it is all baseless. This does frustrate me though. I went around and tried to meet and talk with all my neighbors to alleviate their concerns and explain what I was doing but I guess either someone lied to my face or the neighbors I have yet to talk to were offended I did not grace them with my presence.

Provo laws are discriminatory enough without overzealous neighbors trying to throw their weight around. First of all, I'm not technically a single person. I'm a divorcee just like the previous owner who was not harassed. Second, I am not a student. So all their misguided hatred towards students is unfounded. Third, I want to make the place nice. I have heard horror stories about the previous owners. I have seen the damage and neglect to the property first hand and I am trying to fix things. I'm not going to trash the place like the last owners. Fourth, just because I don't have children doesn't make me any less of a citizen or person. It's not my fault my wife abandoned me. I know of married couples without kids and no one complains to them. I mean if it is that big of a deal I can invite women of questionable standards over and make some. That would really add some class to the neighborhood. Lastly, just back off. If you got problems come to me and tell me to my face. Don't send people to do your dirty work with semi made up rules and fancy badges. I just drove through the neighborhood on my way to work and guess what? Someone else has a dead lawn they are repairing. Someone else stores construction materials in their driveway. Other people are renting. Other people don't have kids. Other people go to school. It's not that big a deal.

I guess some good will come of this. I will definitely be taking local elections more seriously from now on. I don't understand why us marriage-impaired don't rise up and fight against the discrimination. Their are more of us after all.