Someone commented to me recently that I have been blogging less now that I am dating again. Interesting observation....
Zombie of the month
Since tomorrow is Saturday and this calendar is at my workplace you get the zombie of the month 1 day early! Lucky you. This month's zombie is the dreaded Atomic Zombie! Whatever that is...
Identifying Marks - Green eyes; pale skin; open seeping sores; instantaneous motor response; limited speech capability (i.e., screeches and shrieks)
Origin - Nuclear mishap; toxic-waste exposure
Gore Factor - Nasty
Intelligence - Low
Mobility - Low-range roaming capabilities; unexpected outbursts of radical violence
Hot Spots - Nevada; the former U.S.S.R.; North Korea
Danger Rating - 9
Not really sure what an Atomic Zombie is or why violent outbursts are classified as a mobility type but apparently they do exist except in limited areas. These limited areas yet again prove that the 3 Mile Island incident was not a bad thing but a good display of the effectiveness of the safety system in place. Even with as much human error as there was on that day the system still shutdown and worked as designed to prevent a true disaster, namely the creation of Atomic Zombies. Too bad everyone is still afraid of nuclear power.
Unlike the dog from last month this type of zombie doesn't seem to be too popular in video games or media and the American variety is currently gainfully employed in the making of those really annoying bikes that take up the road when you are late for work. I did however manage to find one picture of the North Korean variety. I think the glasses are to hide the trademark green eyes.
Joe's adventures in sexting.
Yeah you read that right, sexting. It's the new cellphone craze where you send nekkid pictures of yourself and receive then in return from the person you are sexting with. All the cool kids are doing it! Ok, I admit I just used that title to get your attention but I really do have a sexting story to share even though it is quite creepy.
I was just sitting at work one day hard at work and minding my own business. Notice how all bad stories start with "minding my own business" in the first few sentences? And I get this text message froma number I didn't recognize. I looked up the area code in google and it was from Texas. I have friends in Texas so I figured it may be one of them using a friend's/wife's phone or something. Here is how the conversation played out with the addition of my commentary on what I was thinking in paranthesis:
Unkown Caller: U there
Me: Yes who is this?
Unknown Caller: Ed
(Urge to ask a question about horses rising....)
Me: Ed who?
Ed: Ed
(At this point I figured it was a computer text spammer that would just answer "Ed" every time it saw the word "who" so I decided to mess with it)
Me: So if i type who you auto respond
Ed: Do what? Im confused
(I guess I confused him into thinking it was some secret password thing)
Ed: Did u get the pics i sent u yet
(This can't be good)
Me: I am trying to figure out who you are and it looked like you are a spam company
Ed: No spam co. Didnt we talk yesterday
Me: About?
Ed: We talked about us what we looked like u told me u would send pics of..........and i told u i would send pics of stuff
(I like his use of ".........." yadda yadda yadda would have worked to. I can't image which "stuff" he was trying to send me pictures of)
Me: You have the wrong number im afraid
Ed: Im so sorry how embarassing
("Go ahead and take a seat, take a seat right there." Sorry that was a South Park reference for those of you that didn't catch it)
Ed: Did i send pics 2 u by accident
(Thank goodness no)
Me: Negative
Ed: Ok good. Sorry
What is even creepier is no less than maybe 30 minutes later I get another random text, this time from Pennsylvania, that ended up being something very similar. So I can only hope this was from some stupid dating site and not child predators but who knows. Maybe it was Zac Efron getting the latest nudie shot from Vanessa Hudgens and my number is close. Who knows. just a very uncomfortable incident that has scarred my phone forever.
Love thy neighbor
When I first was looking at buying the house I currently own I had heard rumors that the neighborhood was upset at me for buying it. They didn't want some dirty, single student trash type living in their neighborhood. I don't blame them either; I'm a horrible person that should probably be locked away forever. This of course worried me some. I didn't want to move into a hostile situation. That really isn't what I was looking for. In the end I decided it was all a silly rumor and I went forward with purchasing my first home.
Fast forward to today and I'm just about to head out the door to work. I hear the doorbell ring and found it strange seeing as nobody I know is awake at 7:30 in the morning unless they are headed to work. At first I thought they were solicitors though usually I don't get any of those types until the evenings. Upon closer inspection I saw that their badges were for the Provo City Code Enforcement Agency. Are they even considered an agency? Maybe it said group, or club, or secret society of affluent future politicians. It was early and I was tired so I forget exactly what their title was. Basically somebody was tattling on me for something and they were here to enforce it.
Their first gripe was they had reports I was living with tons of renters. Granted this is a very valid concern in Provo with all the students and illegal apartments going on but I only live with 1 person. I do have a cat though and he weighs like 20 lbs so maybe he makes me go over the occupancy limit. I explained this to them and they gave me a shocked and disbelieving look. I was very close to showing them that I have two completely empty bedrooms, almost no furniture whatsoever, an empty fridge, and the only roommate I have was living in the smallest room of my house. Instead I ignored their thinly veiled accusation I was lying (they asked me if I was sure I only have one roommate) and I explained to them that my brother was planning to move in later as well as one more friend. Immediately they told me that would not be allowed. Err, I've read to zoning laws and I am completely legal. The law states 1 head of household, all family members (note; Provo does not consider cousins or in-laws family), and no more than 2 non related singles.
After I corrected them on their incorrect knowledge of the laws they are to enforce they switched to complaining about my lawn. I'll admit I didn't check the city laws about lawn condition but then again should I need to? Lawn care is usually something left to Home Owner's Associations and my neighborhood does not have one. I looked earlier today and the only thing I can find so far about lawn condition is if you store junk in your lawn or have so many overgrown weeds that a fire hazard is present. My lawn is dead, plain and simple. I watered it for a couple weeks and nothing grew but a few small weeds so I gave up. It is the middle of the summer and I just moved in what exactly do they want me to do? The previous owner trashed the place and never took care of anything so it really isn't my problem. I want a nice green lawn too but right now it isn't the right time to seed and I don't have sufficient money to fix something I find as a secondary luxury.
I think they realized they were wrong about being able to get me on my lawn so they moved to their third problem, the pieces of fencing stored in my RV parking at the side of my house and the small play shed at the end of my parking area in the back yard. Again this is something I thought was normally handled by a Home Owner's Association and not city officials unless it reaches the level of fire, health or other safety hazard. I have a small children's play shed and a couple pieces of vinyl and metal fencing. While unsightly these objects are not hazardous and they have been on the properly for probably 5 or more years. When I bought the house the sellers agreed to remove the shed which among multiple other things she lied about. I have been unsuccessful in getting her to do what she said she would so I am working on getting that stuff cleaned up. But seriously this stuff including the poorly maintained lawn has been this way for years. Why wait until the filthy non-breeder moves in to make a big fuss over it?
After making me late for work the agent finally agreed I was doing what I needed to remedy the situation and left saying they would mail me a letter with all my "violations" in it. I am kind of interested to see what they try to hit me with since it is all baseless. This does frustrate me though. I went around and tried to meet and talk with all my neighbors to alleviate their concerns and explain what I was doing but I guess either someone lied to my face or the neighbors I have yet to talk to were offended I did not grace them with my presence.
Provo laws are discriminatory enough without overzealous neighbors trying to throw their weight around. First of all, I'm not technically a single person. I'm a divorcee just like the previous owner who was not harassed. Second, I am not a student. So all their misguided hatred towards students is unfounded. Third, I want to make the place nice. I have heard horror stories about the previous owners. I have seen the damage and neglect to the property first hand and I am trying to fix things. I'm not going to trash the place like the last owners. Fourth, just because I don't have children doesn't make me any less of a citizen or person. It's not my fault my wife abandoned me. I know of married couples without kids and no one complains to them. I mean if it is that big of a deal I can invite women of questionable standards over and make some. That would really add some class to the neighborhood. Lastly, just back off. If you got problems come to me and tell me to my face. Don't send people to do your dirty work with semi made up rules and fancy badges. I just drove through the neighborhood on my way to work and guess what? Someone else has a dead lawn they are repairing. Someone else stores construction materials in their driveway. Other people are renting. Other people don't have kids. Other people go to school. It's not that big a deal.
I guess some good will come of this. I will definitely be taking local elections more seriously from now on. I don't understand why us marriage-impaired don't rise up and fight against the discrimination. Their are more of us after all.
Zombie of the month
Every year our manager buys calendars for all the supervisor level employees in our department. These calendars range from workplace themed calendars like a cubicle decoration calendar to the more wacky 12 months of pirates calendar. They had an extra one (and by extra I mean unwanted) this year and it was gifted to me by one of the project managers. I present to you the Boogeymanuals Zombie Field Guide Calendar! That's right, I was given a zombie calendar at work, complete with all the requisite blood splatter backgrounds, grotesque faces, and somewhere in there is a very small calendar. Why ruin a perfectly good calendar with things like days of the week and month names? For the month of July we have the Dog Zombie:
Identifying Marks - Red eyes; oily, matted fur; open wounds with possible parasitic infestation; advanced motor response with lethal consequences; basic canine speech capability (i.e., snarls and growls)
Origin - Viral transmission
Gore Factor - Visceral; rabid
Intelligence - Medium
Mobility - Quick bursts of acceleration combined with superior agility
Hot Spots - Private medical facilities; government agencies
Danger Rating - 8
I always knew that the government was creating these undead dog armies but I had no idea they hoarded them in hospitals. Yet another reason to hate going to see doctors. Luckily I always carry a sawed-off shotgun and grenade launcher in my pocket to take care of any zombies I encounter having superior agility. Now I just need to figure out what a gore factor of "rabid" is referring to.
Skeptoid
I looked back and I guess my recent posts have mostly been negative rants. This one should be a much happier tone. I am a little late in the game but I have started listening to podcasts lately. The nerd in me wants to listen to all the gamer podcasts but I figure I read enough gaming and computer articles that there is no need to listen to people read them to me. Instead I try to vary my podcasts a little. My first two were the official Lost podcast and the BS Report. The Lost podcast really is only for those who follow the show, which everyone should be watching anyway. The BS report is a humorous mostly sports related podcast put out by Bill Simmons, a popular ESPN columnist. I highly recommend it but what I really want to talk about is the newest podcast I found.
As is also the title of my post this podcast is called Skeptoid. It is dedicated to debunking urban legends, discussing scientific explanations for things, and discussing weird pop culture phenomena. It is a fun podcast that touches subjects like aliens, bunk science, politics, conspiracy theories and the like. His most recent podcast about Sarah Palin I found very very good and regardless of your political leanings I would recommend a listen. Some other good ones are the ones about high fructose corn syrup, FEMA prison camps and any of the listener feedback ones.
Overall he has 150+ podcasts and his site has transcripts and other ways to listen for those that don't have iPods *cough* Dan and his crappy Zune *cough* as well as other things he writes about and does. I really enjoy what he does and I hope you do as well.
Some people should not be allowed to reproduce.
It may be mean but it is true. I probably won't be a perfect father either but seriously it's ridiculous how little some people care. I see evidence of this every time I'm in public whether it be the mall, in a park, at a restaurant and especially at movie theaters which is what I want to discuss further.
I just got back from watching the new Transformers movie and while I enjoyed it the kids were just plain out of control. I understand it is a movie based on a cartoon but it is rated PG-13 for a reason. It is such a simple rating to understand too. None of this confusing G, PG and R stuff. It has the age right in the name; 13, meaning appropriate for 13 and up. There was lots of swearing, violence, sex jokes, drugs and more in the movie. I know I'm not judge the for when a person is old enough to view these sorts of things but when a 6 year old is laughing about a crude reference to losing one's virginity (think fruit) it is obvious she's seen way too many movies she shouldn't have.
But I digress. What I really want to touch on is the lack of parenting leading to the bad behavior at the theater tonight. I'll go by age group starting with infants; those who are completely reliant on their parents to protect them and care for them. Movies are NOT a place for infants, period. They do not understand where they are or what is going on. Loud sounds frighten them and can damage their hearing. Get a babysitter or don't go. When you become a parent you need to make some sacrifices. I know of no movie good enough to sacrifice my child's well being for. I understand that you need to get away every once and a while and have some time on your own but guess what? When you bring your baby with you to a movie theater you still aren't spending time on your own. Every single time there was a fight scene or explosion at least one child starting screaming. I counted at least 4 different crying babies throughout the movie and not a single one of them was ever taken to the hallway. Unacceptable.
Next comes the age when you should know how to behave but sometimes need reminding. These are the ones aged around 5-10 years old. Given their display tonight I will refer to them as "Climbers." I already mentioned that there shouldn't be any Climbers watching this movie but this theater was chock full of them. I mentioned to my friends that the Climbers behind me weren't as bad as the ones behind them but that was only because I got my seat kicked 2-3 times instead of throughout the entire movie. See the problem with the Climbers age group is they have a very short attention span. You lose them in 5 minutes so good luck trying to get them through a 2.5 hour movie. The ones behind us decided that climbing around the seats was the best use of their time. There was another in front that was let run up and down the aisle as well as allowed to climb the 10 foot wall next to the stairs. For those of you not following the math, child + 10 foot fall = bad parents. Some Climbers also got bored climbing inanimate objects and decided that sitting and climbing in mom's lap was more fun. I had one child in front of me that kept bouncing or jumping in his mom's lap throughout the last half of the movie. It is really hard to watch a movie seeing a shape bouncing around out of the corner of my eye. If your kid is bored take him home. The movie wasn't right for him in the first place and there is no way you can concentrate on it with a child jumping around.
Moving on we get to the t'weens and teens. Quite possibly the worst age group because they should know better. I guess I can't directly blame parents for these ones since most are unaccompanied but my guess is lack of discipline led to certain behaviors. We purposefully avoided sitting near three boys I dub the "Punch Brothers" because they could not resist repeatedly punching each other the entire time in line. Sitting near them was just asking for trouble. Unfortunately we got stuck sitting around those that are so addicted to text messaging they just can't resist for a couple hours. Multiple times before the movie they ask you to silence your phones. That is hard enough for people to understand so many theaters are saying now to turn phones off and specifically saying NO TEXTING! Sorry let me rephrase, PLS NO TXTING!!!11!! It's bad enough hearing your phone vibrate every 5 seconds but when you open your phone it turns on a light. News flash! You are in a dark theater so any light source is going to be a distraction to everyone around you. I really think theaters should be monitoring and kicking people out for this. A girl behind me even started talking on her phone at one point. The evil glare shut her up pretty fast (at least t'weens are still young enough to be intimidated).
Common courtesy is all I ask. I don't mind soft talking. I don't mind laughing. Heck I don't even mind if a child is starting to become fussy and is immediately taken out to the hall. It is the complete disregard for anyone else that bothers me. Unfortunately I am at a loss as to what can be done. I can't just avoid kids movies because non-kids movies are chock full of kids. Plus, Harry Potter and even Spongebob had more well behaved kids than tonight. I can't wait for a movie to lose popularity enough to have empty theaters either. All my friends usually discuss new movies and what would be the point of paying the outrageous ticket prices to see an old movie relegated to the smaller and older theater rooms? My only attempt at a solution is that theaters start kicking more people out as examples and that we don't let some people have kids. Though I do wonder what would be more difficult, enforcing rules or forced sterilization.
On a side note, Gamestop and similar video game retailers are NOT daycare centers and Grand Theft Auto is NOT a good video game for a 3rd grader. Then again maybe I'm completely off base and shooting hookers after sleeping with them is good for kids.