Because all the cool people are doing it...

Zombie Haiku

2011-10-09T00:22:00.000-06:00

My wife has been asking why I haven't posted a zombie haiku yet. I guess I'm kind of bored with them now. Zombies are yesterday's news. Now it's all about shiny vampires. I guess I should however finish out the year so here goes.

Looking at my hand,
Somehow I lost a finger
and gained some maggots.

Zombie Haiku

2011-09-05T11:25:00.000-06:00

So I missed yet another month. I'm getting tired of the Zombie Haikus as many just don't work outside the context of the book. That and I'm probably violating copyrights or something like that. Just a few more months I guess and then I'll have to find some new monthly thing to do. I had a guest editor, Becky, pick the one for this month.

I keep saying "brains."

I remember other words,

But I just need one.

New addiction = Minecraft

2011-08-04T13:10:00.002-06:00

Some of my friends have pointed out that I am late to the party since this game got huge a while back but I see it more like been brought over to the dark side. This game has oft been described as being like digital LEGOs. More like digital crack cocaine! Basically everything in this game world is made up by 1 meter blocks. You can mine (hence the title), explore, farm, hunt, and BUILD. My friend at work set up a server and we are all really getting into it. Personally I like building things (hence the earlier all caps on the word) and can't stop thinking about new structures and contraptions I want to make. I now understand what all the hype was about.

It's so much fun to think things up and make them. Even with simplistic graphics everything looks neat and has a charm to it. Add to that lots of mods, private servers, multiplayer, and basic circuit logic and this really scream to the nerd inside of me. So far I've played a few days and have made some pretty cool stuff. One friend likes to dig so it's neat just walking through the massive caverns he's carved. Others just build random junk. It's really hard to explain the appeal to non-nerds but I'll try with some screenshots.

Early on I was tired of trying to figure out what each block type looked like. Going online over and over was annoying as well so I just built a reference wall:

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After a couple failed ideas I finally settled on a modest tower for my home base. And by modest I mean gigantic monstrosity made from diamond ore (yeah I know it's not a metal but the game doesn't) and glass:

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And if that still doesn't appeal to you keep in mind there are also puppies!

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Zombie makeup day

2011-07-31T22:57:00.002-06:00

So I kind of missed last month and really haven't posted much of anything lately. I figure to make up for it (not really) I'd do a double dose of zombie haikus. That and I will hopefully post more next month as well.

To George Romero:
Because of you. I'm screwed up.
Thanks for your movies.

----------

Brains, brains, brains, brains, brains!
Brains, brains, brains, brains, brains, brains, brains!
Artificial hip?

Math Fail!

2011-06-16T15:19:00.003-06:00

This is unfortunately the sad state of math in this country

Oh and for those who are yet not aware, these Facebook surveys are giant chain letters. If you answer one, everyone on your friends list gets the survey as if you sent it. So guess what? Your friends are not cleaning our their friends lists, so there is absolutely no need to answer that survey and freak out.

B-ball

2011-06-13T00:53:00.003-06:00

So Dallas just won it all this year. I really wasn't invested in either team but it was nice they could get their ring finally. Part of me was rooting for the Heat as well. I really wanted to see if those 3 could actually pull it off the first year. As expected they didn't quite do it but if they all can stay healthy next year may be their time. So in honor of Dallas I figured I'd post some LeBron jokes.

A guy hands LeBron a $1 bill and asks for some change. LeBron gives him 75 cents and says, "Sorry I don't have a 4th quarter."

Why does LeBron keep his phone on vibrate? Because he doesn't have any rings!

The city of Dallas has just announced tomorrow is LeBron James' day! Everyone gets to leave work 12 minutes early.

Oh an just as a parting thought. I was looking at horrible video game footage today and this basketball gem from the Sega CD look good enough to share:

Fishies!

2011-06-11T00:12:00.002-06:00

Some may have noticed that my spinning fetus app on the right side has been missing of late. Apparently the person who coded it hasn't been up-keeping it as blogger has updated and it no longer works properly. It was always buggy anyway but I guess it was too far gone for Google to allow it on my blog anymore.

Now I have fishies! They will follow your cursor and eat the food you drop where you click. Yay fishies.

Zombie Haiku

2011-06-09T00:29:00.003-06:00

So I'm a bit late this month.

Everything I thought

Tasted a lot like chicken

Really tastes like man.

This one is a bit interesting since he uses the word "everything." In my mind it has 4 syllables. I guess he says it differently.

YourGamerCards

2011-05-17T00:43:00.004-06:00

So I'm sure most everyone has noticed by now the PlayStation trophy thing I have at the top of my blog. As of last weekend I am now the proud owner of that site. The original owners were having some troubles keeping it up and were burnt out from working on it. So after handing over a large sum of cash through PayPal to people I didn't know and then giving my logins and passwords to a friend I never met before I now own a mildly successful website!

I first came to the site at the request of one of the old owners to help out. I had complained about how ugly their card design was and he told me if I hated it so much come and make it better. I spent hundreds of hours making custom backgrounds for probably 300+ PlayStation 3 games. I also volunteered much of my time helping organize and track our efforts. Once the site went up for sale I decided to go for it and see if I can keep it alive and make it better.

The site is www.YourGamerCards.net and it is basically a trophy tracking site with reviews, guides, new and other stuff. For those not into gaming a trophy is something you earn when accomplishing different feats in a game. It's extremely addicting and there are tons of people who love tracking their trophies and keeping tabs on what everyone else is earning. We track the most users in the world >150,000 of them and are the #1 trophy site by far. Even Guinness wanted us to verify trophy related records for them! It's super exciting and hopefully it will work out great. If you have any interest at all in gaming, the PS3 or trophies go check it out.

Zombie Haiku

2011-05-07T00:21:00.003-06:00

When it rains it pours, and by pours I mean you get two posts in one night. Then again these are short posts too, so more like you get a light drizzle or hailstones.

I figured I'd post a food related one since my other post was about food. Fortunately when it comes to zombies everything is food related!

A women screaming,

As I walk off the highway,

Begs me to help her.

She is still begging,

But no longer for my help,

She wants her nose back.

Food glorious food!

2011-05-07T00:19:00.001-06:00

So a friend of mine at work must have been really bored because he started compiling everywhere we've gone for lunch over the years. Both he and I have been at Xactware for 5 years now so that's a lot of lunches in there. We do have some favorite places but here's the full map of most everywhere (we are still remembering and adding places) we've gone. It's kind of neat.

View LunchTime Review in a larger map

Zombie Haiku

2011-04-05T00:19:00.002-06:00

So I forgot to post this on April 1st. Oh well.

An old silent pond...

A frog jumps into the pond,

splash! Silence again.

-Basho

Haha April fools! It's not a zombie haiku and it's not April 1st. Haha me so funny.

The other other other white meat.

2011-03-22T00:45:00.000-06:00

You know that other one, that isn't chicken, and isn't pork either, or cornish game hen. I'm talking about turkey here!

Growing up my family would often experiment with turkey are a substitution for other meats. Turkey is considered leaner, healthier and I think cheaper than things like beef or pork. I'm not sure if any of that is true but that's how it was marketed. The only thing I really remember from then is that ground turkey in spaghetti always tasted funny. Everything else is kind of a blur. Recently my wife and I have decided to test drive the whole turkey substitution thing again. Our thought is why not? If it tastes good then we found a new thing to eat. If not we don't buy it again. Here are the results so far.

Turkey burgers - This was the first turkey substitute product we purchased. We had just finished a large pack or frozen burgers and when buying more decided to give turkey ones a try. As for the healthy part it did seem these had much less grease oozing out of them while being cooked. This also caused much less of a mess being made when grilling these on the stove top. Unfortunately less fat content also means they burn to the pan easier, are dry and have less flavor. That may seem bad but they actually didn't turn out that bad at all. Definitely not a complete replacement for real burgers but I do occasionally crave a turkey burger. With the right seasonings and toppings they are pretty good. I'd definitely go for more in the future at the very least to feel like I'm eating healthy again.

Turkey bacon - Yeah I know, blasphemy. How dare I try to replace real bacon! I was wary too but turkey bacon is pretty awesome stuff. Again it has less oozing grease and noticeably doesn't get as crispy and shriveled as normal bacon but it tastes great. Better yet it still smells like real bacon. My bedroom and office tend to get all the cooking smells in them. The bedroom smell is nullified with some well placed Scentsy and candles but my office smells like bacon for days! That and I'm not a fan of super crispy (aka burnt) bacon anyway. I assume it tastes the same because most the flavor has to do with how it is cured anyway. Kind of like the whole 'tastes like chicken' thing. If you prepare it like chicken it tastes like chicken. If you prepare it like bacon it tastes like bacon. When in Rome do as the Romans. Once a thief always a thief. It takes one to know one. And so on.... Plus turkey whatever is 'healthy' so I can go back to my pack a day.

Turkey meatballs - This one was kind of random. We were out at Sam's Club buying mayonnaise by the gallon and decided to check out their lazy food section. We noticed that instead of their normal mystery meat meatballs they also had turkey ones. Again we said, "why not?" This was the end of good turkey products for us. These are just plain nasty. They keep with the no ooze and dry pattern but they also tasted horrible. Not sure how to explain it beyond lack of any discernible or desirable taste. It's just balls of bleh. Oh well can't win them all.

And for all you vegetarians out there, tofu stuff is disgusting. Go eat some tasty animals!

Motorcycle helmets are stupid!

2011-03-21T12:47:00.002-06:00

This is just a public service announcement declaring all motorcycle helmets to be stupid and useless. Do not wear them. They are not cool!

Disclaimer: this in no way has any relation to my friend needing a heart transplant.

Thank you for your time.

Zombie Haiku

2011-03-04T00:17:00.003-07:00

I managed to get one post in between these haiku; even if it was only a few words. Got to think of something else to write about. I have all these ideas when I'm not near a computer. Once I get to one I forget what I was thinking. Oh well.

Shotguns don't scare me,

Which explains why I chase him,

And why I'm one-eared.

Magic the Gathering is not just for nerds!!!!

2011-02-23T13:59:00.003-07:00

...on second thought yeah it is.

Zombie Haiku

2011-02-06T01:11:00.003-07:00

It is hard to tell

Who is food and who isn't

In the nursing home

Little old ladies

Speed away in their wheelchairs

Meals on wheels.

Getting our creatinating flowing.

2011-01-30T12:39:00.002-07:00

For Christmas Becky and I got a video game called Little Big Planet 2. For those not versed in the video game world this is a game where you can not only play level but make levels. They include tools where people can make some of the most incredible stuff I've seen in video games. We decided to try our hand at making something.

Becky sat through all the tutorials and I thought a simple music based level would be good for our first attempt. She worked for hours coding in John Schmidt's Waterfall, one of her favorite piano pieces. Out of what she plays it is one of mine as well. I thought it would stop there but she also decided to make a huge platforming level so the player can run though and have the song end when they hit the end. We then took an hour decorating it and learning more nuances in level building. It was fun.

if you have Little Big Planet 2 feel free to try out the level and give us feedback. Everyone else... run out and buy it. It's amazing. Here is the link:

http://lbp.me/v/w6rwph

Jimmer what? Jimmer who? Switcha flow getcha dough.

2011-01-27T14:10:00.003-07:00

Jimmer Fredette, the new BYU basketball sensation is sweeping the nation. This has led to lots of people using his name in common speech. SDSU got jimmered! Inspired by my cousin's disdain for nouns turning into verbs I decided to figure out even more ways to include jimmer into normal speech. Jimmer it in there so to speak.

You got jimmered

I jimmered in my pants

Getting my jimmer on

Don't jimmer with my stuff

Jim jimmery, jim jimmery, jim, jim, jery

It's jimmer time

Quit your jimmer jamming

Shoot and fredette it

Fredette yo' neck

Unfredettable

Fredetaboutit

OK, I snuck some Fredettitudes in there but who cares? BYU might actually get out of the first round this year. That would be jimmerific!

What we do for fun

2011-01-23T23:17:00.000-07:00

So the best part about Little Big Planet 2? The clothes...

Being accident prone is apparently quite contagious

2011-01-11T13:16:00.002-07:00

Not sure how many people know (I guess I forgot to tell my family at least) but I just went through knee surgery a week ago. Things went well and it turned out to be just an arthroscopic surgery and not a full ACL reconstruction like I've had in the past. The pain is there but much less than my past surgeries so I've been quickly recovering and trying to get back into real life again. For some reason my wife won't let me play basketball this weekend though.

Becky unfortunately has also come down with some sort of knee injury. The pain is near unbearable recently and she's been having trouble walking. At church we look like a pair of cripples hobbling along trying to support each other even though we both are limping. The weird thing is she has no swelling, inflammation, redness, bruising, cuts, or anything normally associated with joint injury. We can't figure out what she did to hurt it and have no idea what it is. We see the doctor on Thursday but my suspicion is she caught it from me.

Zombie Haiku

2010-12-31T21:58:00.003-07:00

As promised the first zombie haiku of the new year. Originally I thought this book was just a bunch of random poems. I was wrong. Apparently it is a journal of sorts chronicling the end of days for the world and in particular the author. The cheesy backstory is the author is a poet of sorts yet he chooses haiku as his form. I thought real poets abhorred haikus? Aren't they like only for children and teenagers looking for straight D's on their English projects? I would share these in the order they occur in the book but that would take years and probably would be too much plagiarism. Instead I will read through, give some background and share snippets. Let's start at the beginning though. This man is starting his descent into madness and early on starts out with one of his most touching haikus.

Brains, brains, brains, brains, brains.

Brains, brains, brains, brains, brains, brains, brains.

Brains, brains, brains, brains, brains.

Apparently zombies like brains.

Resolutions

2010-12-29T21:33:00.002-07:00

It's that time of year again. The time we all decide to better ourselves and make a list of things we are going to do in the upcoming year. Normally I don't set resolutions. Just don't see the point to it. I'll just forget what they were and get disappointed around February when I fail everything. This year however I do have one resolution to set. MOAR ZOMBIIIIESSS! My cousin bought me some zombie books last year so I could continue the monthly zombie posts. It's about time to start using them. Starting January I will be posting zombie stuff every month. The best part? It's zombie poetry! It doesn't get much better than that. Let's see if this will be a resolution I keep.

HaxXors!

2010-12-13T10:44:00.002-07:00

For those of you that didn't see my Facebook on this already Gawker and all of their sites were hacked.

For those that don't know Gawker runs the following sites; Kotaku, Gawker, Deadspin, Jezebel, i09, Jalopnik, Fleshbot, Gizmodo, and LifeHacker. Almost all of Gawkers login information was compromised and released on bittorrent. If you had a login for any of those sites this means if you use the same login here or anywhere else on the web thousands of people now have your password. Change any account with that password and avoid using a shared password on any Gawker site until everything is settled and they fix their security. Some people are already reporting their email accounts and other accounts being compromised and sending out tons of spam etc.... There is a list of all compromised accounts out on Google Docs if you want to verify.

Otherwise just be safe and make sure you always use strong passwords and don't share password for super important sites like your bank or anywhere with your credit card info. An article with a lot more in depth information can be found here.

No Purchase Necessary

2010-11-11T14:04:00.004-07:00

If sure everyone has heard of seen these three words before. Basically any contest, sweepstakes or similar promo says no purchase necessary. From what I understand it is so they can run their contests without it being considered gambling (when in fact it really is). Often to take advantage of the no purchase necessary part you have to jump through hoops and send self addressed stamped envelopes to some sweepstakes center and wait a few weeks to get a single entry in a contest. Sometimes you get lucky and something like this Burger King promo happens. Basically you are only allowed 6 entries per day and you normally get them from buying Whopper meals. Strangely you can also just click a link and get 6 free entries a day sent to your registered email address. So why would you even spend money on Whopper meals if you can use up your allotted 6 entries in a day just from the free ones? It baffles the mind but free is always good in my book (technically now they have your email on file but I always give out my spam mail account anyway).

Even better is I won this contest! My first win of this kind and it felt great. It also only took me 3 codes. It may be hard to see but I circled my name on their website and you can go there bkkinect.com and see it for yourself too. I just got the shipping notification so hopefully it comes in time for me to resell for an inflated amount. It's nice to win something that is sold out and in super high Christmas demand otherwise known as the 'Tickle Me Elmo' effect.

Anyone else that is interested in trying their luck just head over to the site, register and then on the screen where you enter in the codes click the don't have a code link.

My ears, they burn; but somehow my kids will learn.

2010-11-03T07:17:00.004-06:00

Ooh look a top 5 list! I love these things. Or at least like most people I love getting my data in top list format. There is just something about them that I can't resist no matter how mundane or useless the list is.

Last night my cousin sent me a youtube video (something else I just can't resist) of some crazy, acid trip kids show of the likes not seen since Teletubbies called Boohbah.

This got me to thinking and reminiscing about other crazy kids shows that come to mind and more importantly the obnoxious, odd, brain melting songs that I can never remove from my memory. Any of my maybe 3 readers, if you have kids make sure they are in the room when you watch these. That way they get addicted and will beg you to keep playing them.

To start things off at my number 5 I have an oldie but goodie. Maybe one of the most iconic songs in young kids shows history. I Love You from Barney and Friends:

Another song from that era of kids programming that comes in at my number 4 is from a lesser watched show that I actually liked more than Barney. Unfortunately it is also one of the most annoying songs ever written, and it never ends. The Song that Never Ends from Lamb Chop's Play-Along.

Next up on my list is a song that really isn't all that obnoxious. It's also from a show that I didn't hate. In fact it is hands down the best kids show ever made. This song just somehow is always in my head and will never leave. My wife even catches me singing it to myself at home. A New Way to Walk from Sesame Street.

Now for some more modern kids shows. At number 2 is a song I drove one of my best friends crazy with. I got her son super addicted to this song and I'm sure she'll be glad I'm giving it a mention here. Maybe her son will hear it again! You Are a Pirate from Lazy Town.

And now for my number 1 kids song that I can't stand and for some reason can't ever forget. I don't understand this show, I don't understand this song and I can't for the life of me figure out why this show is so popular. The writing is horrible and nothing makes any sense. At least stupid Saturday morning cartoons didn't pretend to be educational... or did they? Knowing is half the battle and the power is yours anyway. Party in My Tummy from Yo Gabba Gabba.

And now if you are familiar with my lists I tend to throw in an honorable mention in. Mostly just because I forgot something and I want to include it anyway. This time there is a valid reason or at least I'm making one up. I couldn't really include this last one in since it is a cartoon and is not normally considered in the same category as these other shows. It does have the annoying songs though! The Spongebob Theme from, duh, Spongebob.

Halloween time!

2010-10-28T22:51:00.009-06:00

Being short on cash and motivation this year I almost didn't do anything for Halloween. Fortunately (I think) for everyone my wife and I decided last minute to put together costumes and carve a pumpkin. For the costumes we didn't want to spend a whole lot of money. Not like my $100 ensemble to go as Plaxico Burress last year. This means we made costumes out of clothes we had. Or in other words my wife dressed me up in her clothes. Viewer discretion is advised.

In this one my wife was teaching my how to sit and pose properly. I don't think I passed:

A standing shot trying to look like a hot drag queen I guess:

And a hideous flexing shot:

Scary, I know. I now know what women put up with. Mascara is obnoxious and messes with your eyes, bras are tight and uncomfortable, you have to wear so many layers, and whoever knows the secret to keeping long hair out of the eyes, mouth and your food please share that with me.

As for the pumpkin it isn't quite as gender bending. Instead of the traditional two eyes, nose and mouth we went a little crazy. We wanted to do one of those fancy pants scraped? style pumpkins that show shading and different levels of light. We also wanted mass appeal since I am entering in the contest at work so we did one of Mario in a Tanooki suit. I think it turned out great for our first time ever. We designed the pattern, carved, scraped, textured and lit the thing. It took 4-5 hours but it was fun. At least until the end when our hands were sore and stained orange. I would also like to take a moment and thank Martha Stewart for making such wonderful pumpkin carving kits. Way better than the $1 Walmart ones.

In progress:

Lights on:

And the final product:

Happy Halloween everyone. Don't dream of female Joe too much.

Jackpot!

2010-09-29T08:30:00.002-06:00

Now all the thrill of losing your life savings whilst only wasting time and never getting a payout. I present to you the Lottery Simulator.

Click Here for Sim

Knowing how much some people play the lottery this is kind of depressing actually.

Dogs get all the bad words

2010-09-23T12:36:00.003-06:00

I was driving to work today and I noticed a person trying to get rid of puppies outside the local grocery store. On their handwritten sign they listed the puppies as "Shih tzu poo' puppies." I guess these were a mix between shih tzus and poodles. So is the proper name a Shiht poo or Poo Shiht for these? Would I get weird looks for asking a pet store if they had any?

Doppelganger

2010-08-19T07:21:00.007-06:00

Lately there has been a lot of BYU news when it relates to collegiate sports. With the loss of Utah the Mountain West Conference is not looking too good anymore and BYU is planning to/already has left the conference to pursue independent status in the NCAA. The bigger news in my opinion is our new school sports slogan. We Are!

Really BYU? That is the best you could come up with? Do we need to be even more like Penn State? There have been more than one instance of me finding Penn State apparel in the BYU bookstore. If it's confusing enough to confuse a minimum wage college bookstore stock supervisor then imagine how annoying it is for the rest of us. Let's go over all the things that make us just like Penn State. Note: It is possible some of these things were BYU related before they were Penn State related but for comparison sake I'm just going to list them all.

Happy Valley - I've heard both areas referred to by this name. For Penn State it refers to the area around the State College campus and the sports teams that reside there. It apparently was from the Great Depression because that area was not hit as hard by the difficult times. For BYU the area south of Salt Lake is commonly referred to as Happy Valley as well. I would assume the meaning now more relates to the presumed happiness of the Mormons who live there but all the references to it I could find in my whopping 2 minute Google session refer back to prescription drug abuse by Mormon housewives. Err what? Then again that's a much more modern description than the original nickname.

Colors - Both schools use blue and white. Technically BYU uses Dark blue and white with some tan but it is still very similar. Looking at multiple logos, uniforms, ads, etc... they are often identical. Going a little bit back in time BYU also just used blue and white.

Mascot - What the heck is a Nittany Lion? Oh it's just a mountain lion that once roamed the Mount Nittany area near the school. What's another word for mountain lion? Cougar. Fun fact, a cougar is also an older woman cruising for younger men.

Now we have the same chant; We Are! I know it's not the most original slogan in the world but that's just my point. 0 points for originality BYU. Fully Invested was much better (even if it required an apparel purchase to be true). On second though that one was stupid too.

Douchebag parking and why I'm beginning to be for it.

2010-07-08T07:27:00.003-06:00

The douchebag park job. We've all seen it. Whether it be at the far end of a parking lot or right up in front to show off someone's ride it happens everywhere. Even at my work we have at like 5-6 people practicing this style of parking. It used to be obnoxious and annoying to me but with recent developments I've becoming more and more supportive of it. Why you ask? Because even bigger douchebags keep damaging my car and then fleeing the scene. No note, no sorry, nothing.

I don't drive a super expensive tuner or gigantic beyond practicality truck. I just drive a simple Prius. But I still hate it when people door ding or straight up hit my car and do nothing about it. My first hit was by a teenage girl driver going way too fast in the church parking lot. She miss-judged a turn and skimmed across my front bumper. She at least came and got me to apologize. Since then that same front bumper has been scraped, bumped and pressed against at least 3 more times. I understand there is already damage there but quit hitting it! I notice the new marks and scratches and it's infuriating. The back bumper I originally damaged slightly but lately it's been like the front bumper. I keep getting newer scratches and dents. It has been hit also at least 3 more times. One even looks like someone took a pole or something and poked at it 5 or 6 times. The passenger door couldn't survive parking lot damage either. The first was actually on the street when someone full on pulled out into my car. It left extensive damage and I had to pay to get the doors replaced. That was fun on my budget. Now just a couple of days ago I come out after eating at a restaurant and some idiot opened their door into the side leaving a huge paint transfer and some scratches. It just doesn't end.

More and more I niw see why people park in the back of lots or park diagonal. Then all you need to worry about is people keying your car. If it keeps up I may just have to join in with the douchebag parking bandwagon.

New Baby!

2010-07-01T15:07:00.004-06:00

Well that didn't take long. Just over a month after being married, Joseph and Becky Meyers are proud to announce a new addition to our family. At 55" and around 90 pounds this bundle of joy will provide hours of happiness to come. This Samsung UN55B8500 TV is rated the best of the best LCD TVs. It comes with 240Hz anti motion blur technology (which is useless since our eyes can't take advantage of it) and a full array LED back-lighting system. We opted to not go for 3D since that is still new, still super expensive, and you have to pay $150 a piece to wear dorky battery operated glasses. If and when 3D catches on then we'll upgrade... maybe. 3D is fun but I don't see myself wanting it all the time (that's what she said). I always have my Virtual Boy to fall back on for 3D anyway.

Just a few of my favorite things!

2010-06-29T20:45:00.002-06:00

The time has finally come when the two greatest things in the world have joined forces; video games and Twilight!

Enjoy:

Two thumbs up!

2010-06-28T11:03:00.003-06:00

Recently I have been very into a certain movie review site due to how they give their reviews. The reviewers at Spill, for the most part, are very in tune to the types of movies I like and their reviews are generally correct. They are also humorous (though often crude) and have a slightly different rating system than most. Siskel and Ebert (no one liked Ropert) had the thumbs up thumbs down method. Most everyone else uses stars or points out of 10. Spill uses a system based on if a movie is worth the money either at Full Price, Matinee, or Rental. Note, they have some other more vulgar ratings that I will ignore for now. This has got me thinking about how I rate movies. Often I find myself walking out of the dollar theater acknowledging that a movie was bad but that for $1 it was worth the experience and entertainment provided. Movies are also constantly changing and branching out. The medium has grown beyond a simple system. It requires a discussion and not just a simple point value. Aggregate sites like Rotten Tomatoes are good but the small blurb they include just isn't enough anymore. Regardless I would like to discuss some different ratings I've been thinking about and how they apply to movies.

3D or 2D

First off let's start with the newest craze. And by new I mean something that we've had since the 50's but can now charge an arm and a leg for it. I find that whether or not a movie is 3D worthy is important since reduced matinée prices and overall normal ticket prices are much higher for these. To get this at a home theater you have to pay even more for it. Luckily 3D is an easy rating. Does the 3D enhance the viewing of the film to justify the added price or is it just thrown in because everyone is doing and making off like bandits at the box office? Example: Avatar was the biggest 3D success so far and it has helped fuel the current 3D push. After seeing it in 3D I'll admit it doesn't have to have 3D or use it in a gimmicky way like the Disney Muppet's in 3D show but the 3D does successfully take already breathtaking graphics and scenery and makes it pop. The sense of flying and depth in many of the scenes is incredible. My slight fear of heights kicked in during certain scenes. This is a good use of 3D and it was worth it. On the other hand something like Alice in Wonderland (or is it Underland? yeah sure Disney) had 3D added just because they can and there is nothing gained from it. Some may argue it even detracts from the movie.

Size matters

Another consideration I often make is whether or not a movie is necessary to be watched on a big screen, a really big screen (IMAX) or at home. For the most part this is similar to the above 3D argument. Does the screen size enhance the movie to justify paying and going out to go see it. I understand there is something to be said about going out on a weekend date or liking a movie enough to pay extra to see it immediately but for the pure viewing experience does the screen size matter?

Most summer blockbuster action films would lean towards needing to be experienced at least once in the theater. My home theater is good but there is nothing quite like the sound and screens in an actual movie theater. Dollar theaters are the same price as a cheap rental at redbox and also have the large screen but often the film is all scratched up and this can be distracting when you are trying to get lost in the world created in a movie. IMAX, like 3D, is somewhat of a popular thing right now and also costs extra. IMAX + 3D even more so. For the most part movies don't need IMAX to be good. Again I will point to Avatar. In IMAX+3D this movie was spectacular and definitely worth it. I also saw Harry Potter in IMAX and while it did slightly enhance the movie it really wasn't worth the additional price tag.

Comedies and most dramas on the other hand don't even really need the theater screen. The most entertainment provided in the movie is from the dialog and there often aren't any large set pieces that justify the big screen. On a strict screen size justification these movies are just as good on a TV or even on a computer, iPod, iPad, telephone, hair curler, AM radio or whatever other movie playing device you may have. Example: I loved The Blindside but the big screen did nothing for it. I would have liked this movie no matter what device I watched it on.

But is the movie good or not

Now let's move into the most important aspect of a movie review. Is it good or not. The first two discussion act more as riders to the actual review. What people really want to know is if the movie is good or not. We all know any review is a matter of opinion so I won't go into that. Personally I tend to break movies down into a few broad categories: Opening night, matinée, dollar, date, kids and pirate.

Opening night - This is a movie I liked so much that I would recommend braving the crowds and superfans and screaming kids just to see on opening night/weekend. Camping out to see a movie is just plain silly but it could be viewed as the higher subcategory for this rating. There are a few of these such movies every year and even I still mostly watch all my movies during matinée times (because I'm cheap) I can still say they would have been worth it opening night anyway. The most recent example of this is Toy Story 3. Even at its worst Pixar movies are still better than any other movie out there. If you haven't seen it yet go now. It is amazing and I went to it full knowing that annoying, whining and out of control kids would be there and I loved every minute of it. Plus there was almost a fight between 2 sets of parents during the previews so bonus!

Matinée - Being a cheapskate I see all my movies matinée unless I have no other options. This rating however encompasses the majority of good movies. There are so many movies coming out that it would get quite expensive seeing every single one that was in the ok - good range. These movies are good movies but if we are honest with ourselves we really can't justify spending full price on them. Matinée is basically the same viewing experience anyway with the added fun of being blinded by the daylight when walking out of the theater.

Dollar - I am lucky enough to live in a town with a decent dollar theater. This allows me to watch many movies I'd otherwise never watch. There a tons of movies that aren't really good movies but are fun and entertaining. These movies really won't win any awards and can even have many flaws but at the end of the day they were just a dollar and no harm done. G.I. Joe is a great example of this. It's not a good movie. It is however a highly entertaining movie. It plays on the memory of the old cartoon and it provide a lot of fun action and humor to be well worth the dollar spent to see it. Yeah there were awful parts and stupid parts but it was just a dollar. "Hey it was only a buck!" is one of the best ways to sum up this rating. As a corollary Redbox worthy movies also fall into this category as they are also roughly $1 (blu-rays are slightly more). Netflix can also fit.

Date - Granted I do like some "chick-flicks" like Moulin Rouge or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, but for the most part I only will see certain movies because they are good for dates. Reversed a lot of girls will only see "guy-films" for the same reasons. Some horror movies are viewed for the same reasons on both sides. Date movies are just that, good for a date. Often I'd recommend not paying a lot for these as most also fall in around the Dollar rating and a great movie will transcend this category anyway. These movies serve one purpose and that is to get couples paying to see them instead of just having the guy or girl by themselves watching.

Kids - On a similar note, kids movies are only good if you have or are babysitting kids. Pixar movies while animated and generally pushing for a kids audience always are for adults as well. They easily are better than a movie I would classify as just for kids. There are a lot of garbage movies as well that aren't even good enough for this rating. Just because you make a kids movie doesn't mean it has to be crap either. Example: The Sponge Bob Movie is definitely for kids. Unless you are a die-hard Sponge Bob fan this would only be one to see if you had kids. The Spy Kids series is the same way.

Pirate - While I don't condone illegal activity I also don't condone garbage movies. People always say they will make crappy movies as long as they can make money off them so I guess the only recourse is to pirate them so they lose money. You don't even want to watch these movies they are so bad. Just pirate and distribute them to hurt the studios as much as possible. I'm actually kidding about pirating the movie but some movies are just this bad. I remember walking out of Year One thinking about how I just wasted a dollar. It was one of the few movies I've seen where I was tempted to ask for my money back. The Dollar rating is really the lowest rating on my scale but for turds like Year One I have the Pirate category.

So there goes my rambling and rough guide to how I rate movies. Of course I rate these in my head and probably won't be reviewing movies anytime soon on my blog or elsewhere but I felt like writing about it. Movie reviews are always at best guidelines and in the end people see whatever they want to see anyway (Shrek the 3rd did make tons of money). When asking me about a movie hopefully I'll be able to help steer you towards something enjoyable.

I doubled it down.

2010-04-16T00:55:00.003-06:00

In case you haven't heard KFC just released a new "sandwich" called the Double Down. I put sandwich in quotes because this thing is missing one key ingredient for sandwiches, the bread. Now I know there are those Atkins type sandwiches with lettuce or something replacing the bread but are those really sandwiches either? What it does have, beside a nonsensical yet cool name, is 2 slices of bacon between 2 slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese between 2 chicken breasts smothered in special sauce. Most people I've talked to were disgusted by that description but to me it sounded like a dream come true. That dream had to wait a couple of days since I was unable to go try it the day it came out, April 12th.

Today, however, I did have time and went to enjoy some crazy unhealthy food for lunch. Not only did I get the Double Down meal but I also bought cheese curds at the recommendation of my friends. They opted to replace their potato wedges with curds but I really wanted my wedges so I bought an order of curds in addition to everything else. Not to mention I washed all that down with the draft root beer they have which I'm pretty sure has 10 times the sugar as their normal soda.

The Double Down was much better than expected. I figured seeing as everything in it was fried it would be gushing with grease and oil. It was greasy but not very. Fried chicken is bound to have some grease but there was no exorbitant amounts of it like I expected. Early reports were that it was super salty but again while salty it wasn't excessive. All in all the Double Down was quite enjoyable and I didn't feel gross or sick like I always do after eating McDonalds. The cheese curds were also divine. Granted they weren't really cheese curds; more like mini mozzarella sticks with white cheddar as the cheese. Unfortunately at ~$3.50 for a small box of them I will pass on my next visit. I am going to go back for more Double Downs though. I found a favorite new guilty pleasure food.

Surprisingly enough the nutritional facts of the Double Down aren't really that bad for what it is. The original recipe version has only 540 calories. 32 grams of fat, and 1380 grams of sodium. OK that's not really a diet food either but who cares? You don't exactly eat something like this to lose weight. For reference a Big Mac is worse and so is this milkshake from Baskin Robbins that I sadly never had time to sample before they pulled it :(

Oh and for the vegans who feel left out you can always make yourselves a no meat version at home.

10 words or less

2010-04-13T02:04:00.004-06:00

Warning this post contains video games and is not suitable for respectable people!

I've been playing a lot of games lately so i wanted to do a quick recap of each in 10 words or less. Only gamers will probably understand any of this post.

Mass Effect 2

--Probe launched.

Final Fantasy XIII

--fal'Cie, l'Cie, Lychee, Nick Lachey

Critter Crunch

--Feed your son by puking rainbows.

Battlefield: Bad Company 2

--I wish my friends were playing Call of Duty instead.

White Knight Chronicles

--Big Red x 1000

Demon's Souls

--Died, died, died, died, died, taking a break.

TTFN

Still kickin'

2010-04-07T16:56:00.004-06:00

Just checking in to make sure everyone knows that I didn't in fact die but more just got lazy and completely neglected my blog. And by lazy I really mean Final Fantasy 13 came out. I have been thinking about a lot of things to blog about lately but in the end I almost always had an idea related to Facebook. The website once predicted to destroy all mankind and corrupt children the world over is now completely mainstream and in every facet of our lives. It was even the first site we bypassed our work filters to get to. Facebook is here to stay but it's not always a good thing.

Long ago I wrote a post about 5 things that I hated about Facebook. Since that whole favorite 5 list craze is now gone (thank goodness) I will structure this post a little differently. Let's start with 2 things that I strongly dislike but sadly am guilty of participating in myself.

First things first. Joseph and Becky are getting married!! Technically I wasn't the one who created this but I did lend my name to it and I am marrying the girl so since we are to be as one this is also my fault. Yes we have the oh so common (especially in Mormonville) marriage group. People get married here so much that I literally see a new update about one of these daily. It really brings to light how poorly we keep in touch with people. Nobody knows anyone else's address. At least my group was mostly for kicks and we just shared a few pictures and didn't even ask for addresses on it.

Which brings up the next thing which I am fully guilty of. Remember when your parents used to complain that instead of visiting your friend you called? And then it was using AIM instead of calling. Then back to calling but this time from a cellphone. Well now you jump on Facebook or Twitter or something similar. I am fully guilty of this. My brother chastised me when compiling addresses because I Facebooked people instead of calling them. Most our invitations are mailed out and I just today remembered to call my friends who aren't on Facebook and even then I just texted them. It reminds me of the other day when there was a crisis at work and someone was trying to reach my supervisor. He actually got on his Xbox and went into game to message my supervisor and it worked! Wow, maybe I should write letters again. For you kid readers a letter is this thing you write on paper. We used to prefer to write in cursive because it was frivolous and fancy. Then you put it into a folded piece of paper called an envelope. then you put... crap I'm over 140 characters I've lost them anyway.

Next up is the one thing from my last list that somehow survived. Everything else ended up being a fad but Mafia Wars lives on. Or more generally Zynga is taking over the world one farm at a time. Never heard of Zynga? What about Farmville, YoVille, Mafia Wars, Vampire, PetVille or Cafe Wars. If you've been on Facebook you know of people who always seem to be finding those darn eggs they just can't use. It may seem tempting to take those eggs off their hands or help them build something but don't do it, it's a trap! these "games" are nothing more than timer bars with micro-transactions built in. Yes you can play for free but how else will you get that shiny new tractor. I work for a game company that uses the micro-transaction business model and they make a ton of money feeding on addiction. Ooh a new costume is released; let's buy 50 boxes that have a chance of dropping it. Or let's buy the new cute pet. A recent news article reported a boy was so addicted he spent all his money and then stole his mom's credit card to rack up a $1,400 bill on the game. I got to admit though the system works and it works oh so very well.

Even more scammy than Zynga are those stupid gift card and other giveaways everyone participates in. Really? Best Buy is just handing out $1000 gift cards just for being a fan of them? Really? You actually believe this? Come on common sense people! If it were IKEA on the other hand that's got to be legit. Oh wait? That was a scam too? But 37,000+ other people tried it so it must have been real. that IKEA one was snatching 5,000 new suckers per hour! you would think we'd be smarter than that. If it takes you off Facebook, asks for personal information, is too good to be true, or any of the multiple red flags these things send up it is a SCAM! Oh and there is no super Disney secret, funniest video ever, or super hot girl you need to be a fan of to find out more about either. Those are viruses or porn. Maybe you knew the girl one was porn but there are easier ways to find that. The worst part is people because fans of these "just to check them out" but claim they actually never went to the site or participating for real. Guess what? You just opened your entire contact list to spam. This in turn might get a handful more people to "just check them out" and boom your are advertising for criminals.

To end on a less serious note I bet I can find 1,000,000 people who think Obama is a Communist onion ring and thereby is more popular than Justin Bieber and Nickleback combined. Is it just me or is it sad that all those types of pages have no where close to 1,000,000 people? 1,000,000 people? I bet you can't.

This is freakin' amazing!

2010-04-01T15:33:00.004-06:00

There comes a time when you see something so amazing that it knocks your socks off literally. I can't believe I was allowed to witness such an amazing event. In fact I just had to write about it while....

April Fools! I didn't write a new blog post.

Double April Fools I do plan on writing one just not this instant!

It's a trap!

2010-01-21T02:47:00.002-07:00

So my work has given me a company phone to use. This new one is a huge upgrade over my old phone. I used to use a simple Sony Ericsson "walkman" phone. That's right my phone has the special ability to play music. So can my iPods, computer, laptop, playstation, gameboy, DS, alarm clock, transistor radio, TV, car, and birthday cards. Pretty high tech right there. The new phone I got is a Blackberry Curve. They call it a smart phone! So far it hasn't solved any of life's mysteries but here is what I can do with it:

Listen to Pandora while taking a dump

Check emails while taking a dump

Play poker with other people most likely also taking a dump

Pinpoint the exact location I am currently taking a dump

Edit this blog while taking a dump

Identify a song that sounds most like taking a dump (think Miley Cyrus)

Take pictures of the dump I took

Facebook those pictures

and the list goes on....

Seriously, every time I'm in a public bathroom I hear everyone around me on their phones. No wonder the magazine and newspaper industries are failing.

But here is the twist. My company pays hundreds I'm sure for the unlimited data plan and everything else this type of phone uses. It all seemed fine and dandy until the other night while watching TV I caught myself responding to a work email off my phone. It's a trap! It started with me innocently seeing an alert for a new email. I got curious and checked it out. "Oh," I thought to myself, "I can answer this quick. It's an easy question," and then boom they got me doing work from home! They also got me carrying this thing everywhere I go. I'm just a short phone call away. At least with my old phone I could turn it off or drop it in a lake. Since this new phone they pay for I can't. This must be how doctors feel.

Note: for any supervisor reading this I love my job and this is a joke. Hahahahaha joke hahahaha. Please don't fire me :-P

Not getting coal for these songs

2009-12-22T15:29:00.003-07:00

Since the bad Christmas list was taking up so much space I decided to separate the good list for another post and another day. That and typing with a broken finger starts to hurt after a while. This list was a little harder to make since there are definitely many more good an not annoying songs around the holidays. Limiting them to the five I like the most was difficult but I did my best so here they are in reverse order, because that's how you do top lists, in reverse order:

#5 - To keep with the way I did #5 on the bad list I will choose a grouping of songs for the good ones as well. Mannheim Steamroller and The Trans-Siberian Orchestra are two groups who have carved their own niche in the Christmas music business and I can say that I enjoy pretty much anything that they make. Even if the original songs aren't the greatest I still enjoy them after either of these two groups awesomify them.

#4 - This next one was actually introduced to me by Mannheim Steamroller which is sad because it has been around for a very long time. It's a Ukrainian work that was originally performed with voice only. It sounds amazing like that as well as with instruments and no voice. Unfortunately it has now been heavily commercialized and ruined by companies like Garmin and Hooters Casino in Las Vegas (don't ask). This has caused it to slip to #4 but it still is an amazing song. Also to keep with the whole synchronized light theme from above I've included another light display synced to the instrumental version. Carol of the Bells:

#3 - This song has the weird position of being on both lists. It's kind of sad that a song which I enjoy so much can be altered and changed to the point where one version of it makes my bad list. Then again maybe it's a good thing showing that no matter how bad you make a song you can still love the original. This simple carol sung by pretty much everyone at every Christmas is one of the first ones I was ever exposed to and still sing to this day. Even the rude Batman Smells or the French Vive le Vent versions are some of my favorites. Jingle Bells:

#2 - Yet another song with good childhood memories comes in at #2. During Christmas there are many special movies and cartoons. I wasn't big on the movies and still haven't seen many of them but I did watch lots of the cartoons when I was growing up. One song from one of the cartoons always plays through my head during Christmas. Unfortunately the cartoon has now been blasphemed with the two computer generated movies but I still love the original show and song anyway. That and I still want a hula-hoop. Christmas Don't Be Late:

#1 - Back to more traditional Christmas songs there is one carol that for some reason I always love listening to. It is a calm, peaceful song that crescendos into something that gives goose bumps every time I hear it. I also tend to prefer the male renditions of this song. For me Christmas isn't complete without hearing this carol at least once. Luckily almost every Christmas concert or musical performance includes this one. My #1 Christmas choice. O Holy Night:

Christmas makes my ears bleed.

2009-12-22T14:16:00.006-07:00

It is almost Christmas and as typical with the season we are inundated with holiday music. radio stations either switch over to completely seasonal fare or intermix the occasional song within their rotation. While there are other December holidays with their own music I'd like to focus on the one with the most, Christmas. Sorry Dreidel Song you will have to find someone else's blog for recognition.

Unfortunately there are some really bad and annoying Christmas songs. Anyone who works in retail will attest that after 8 hours straight of listening to bad music you are ready to strangle the nearest reindeer. Then again I've never heard good music in a Gap store and always want to strangle annoying kids in the mall. Maybe it's some evil plot for human population management? Let's start with my five most hated Christmas songs in reverse order:

#5 - For this one it's a huge tie and encompasses an entire genre of music. if I didn't lump these all together I'd need like a Top 100 list to have room for anything else. Any country music singer slaughtering an existing Christmas song or writing an original one falls in at #5. I really don't care what it would be like if Santa drove a red pickup truck or started off hunting reindeer, stay away from holidays, in fact stay away from music all together.

#4 - This song is probably one that came to mind while reading the fifth worst song. While it has a very country vibe to it I don't really think it is a country song. It still is awful though. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer:

#3 - This next "classic" Christmas song is probably one of the more creepy ones. It was written in the 50's so I'm sure it's innocent but for me it's still weird. This has been covered by many modern artists but Jimmy Boyd is the one who made it famous. For me his voice is kinda grating as well. Yes I said "his," this is a guy singing the song. Granted he is 11 at the time but he does sound like a woman. Another womanly man who sang this song is Dee Snyder of twisted Sister. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus:

#2 - This next song would have placed #4 or #5 if only done by the original singer Eartha Kitt but the string of covers make it worse and worse. There is something about this song that exudes annoying. Looking around the web I see this is on many people's lists as well for awful Christmas songs so I am not alone. I couldn't remember who sang the worst version of this song and listening to it over and over by other singers was bringing out the strangle reflex (see above) so I will concede the most annoying version to Madonna's. Santa Baby:

#1 - This last one is kind of an interesting one. I like the song alright but Frank Sinatra's version adds so many annoying parts to it that it completely ruins the song. Combining a spelling lesson with a holiday song is never a good idea. I want to open presents not learn something! On top of that this one play frequently on loops in malls, department stores, and other public places. Most songs get bad after multiple repetitions but this one get annoying at an exponential rate. It's sad too since the original song and its other iterations are some of my favorites. Jingle Bells as sung by Frank Sinatra:

There you have it my 5 most hated, annoying, obnoxious, awful, bad Christmas songs. I am aware that there are probably worse than these (someone pointed out Elton John's Christmas song) but I haven't heard of them as of yet and don't plan to listen to new bad songs just for the list. Instead these are the 5 that first come to mind and are forever stuck in my head. Honorable mention goes to a song I was just introduced to this year. Since it hasn't the same time to annoy me as the other 5 I can't count it for the list... yet. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas:

I wins!

2009-12-02T10:54:00.005-07:00

A little while back I found an awesome deal on video games. As a certified gamer nerd I jumped on it. The deal allowed me to get 10% off all video game related purchases on Amazon. The only catch was I had to join a consumer's organization called The ECA. Luckily they were offering free memberships and I could cancel auto renewal so they wouldn't charge me $20 every year. It was a dream come true. Unfortunately, like all dreams, it was going to end.

The free memberships was an attempt to get as many members as possible to bolster their credibility and future profits. There very openly and frequently touted their Amazon discount and said it would pay for the membership fees by itself. With more and more members brings more and more people that are unscrupulous. Some user quickly figured out a way to exploit and stack the discount getting 30% off instead of 10%. This caused Amazon to quickly pull the promotion and members to jump ship in droves. The Amazon discount is the only reason people joined which makes sense since that was what the advertising campaign was focusing on.

This caused quite a stir and many of the legitimate and honest members were rightfully upset. During the whole fiasco they promised us the discount would be back and even kept their advertising the same. In the end the discount was discontinued and they quickly edited their website to claim they never advertised it. No problem they had other discounts right, wrong. Most are useless or normal discounts you can find on any bargain site. 2 more of the good ones, Tritton and Buy.com are also "coming back soon" and not working as advertised respectively. Starting to seem like a scam.

Here is where the fun comes in. Mysteriously people started noticing the cancel auto renewal button missing. Inquiries were rudely answered by their staff saying they never meant to have it and it never worked. They also called paying members names and started deleting all dissenting comments. They said we could use the feedback form to cancel auto-renewal anyway. Some of us tried that and no response. Then they said we had to send in a letter to cancel. They also removed the phone number cancellation method previously listed in their Terms of Service. On top of that they have a clause in their Terms saying they have no responsibility of keeping track of mail they receive. We need to send certified or something similar to prove we canceled. They also gave some rather lame excuses about the Internet was inefficient and snail mail was easier.

For week I tried hard to get this information out and get people to complain. When a company advertises something it can't provide and then makes it really hard to cancel membership it is a SCAM. Their immature responses, name calling, and other unusual behavior supports this. Finally a real consumer group The Consumerist picked up my story along with information from multiple additional parties. Now the web is ablaze. People are upset and hopefully something will get done about this. As my girlfriend can attest I always win!

Note: some of these sites have angry customers who like to swear a lot ;)

Consumerist article

New Consumerist Article that quotes me some more!

Super late zombie of the month, redux

2009-12-01T12:33:00.004-07:00

Look at me I used the word 'redux' Yay! Unfortunately this calendar again fails to impress. It was 10 months of awesome over the top zombie information and then 2 months of utter garbage. With all the zombie popularity lately you would think they could come up with something better than this month's lackluster Virtual Zombie.

Identifying Marks - No clear identifying features; capable of spontaneous mutation

Origin - Genetic manipulation

Gore Factor - Sick

Intelligence - Artificial

Mobility - Unlimited

Hot Spots - Underground, hi-tech laboratories; antiestablishment software design studios

Danger Rating - 13

Yawn, there you have it, 12 months of zombies. It is almost sad this has come to an end but fear not! My cousin has provided more zombie fun to last years. Her Christmas present to me was a couple of books of zombie poetry. That's right zombie poetry! Prepare for next years zombie haikus.

It will be awesome.

Zombies in poetry form.

Trust me, it's not lame.

Gobble gobble!

2009-11-28T00:36:00.003-07:00

What a crazy day it has been! I just survived a shopping marathon an figured I'd write a bit about some of the stuff I did today. Hopefully I can apply some sort of coherence to it all.

Turkey Day - Eat turkey, sleep, sleep, sleep, wake up at 11:30pm to go shopping!

Black Friday madness - Studies have been done and have shown that the majority of consumer spending doesn't actually happen on Black Friday (or Cyber Monday for all you nerd folk). Instead the Saturday before Christmas is the winner. To shatter my pre-conceptions even further my girlfriend has notified me that her store has already gotten into "the black" for the year as well. Now the name Black Friday carries next to no meaning for me. Instead I will call it Waste Money Fight Trash Angry Day.

Waste Money Fight Trash Angry Day madness - Much better. I got up around 11:30pm from my turkey coma to get ready and start shopping a bit earlier this year. The outlet mall near my home was opening all stores at midnight with great deals, prizes, and long lines. We get there just after 12:00am and already all the parking spots are filled and the Coach store has a 200 person line in front of it. Personally if I wanted to flush money down the toilet I'd buy Louis Vuitton but that's just me. Anyway we get really lucky on a parking spot and so begins our shopping adventures.

We start at a clothing store, Bass, and they are running a pretty good buy 1 get 2 free sale. At least i assume it's a good sale since the line to check out is over 2 hours long! I didn't even really look and moved from random store to random store. I ended up buying some pants for myself. Yippee my Christmas shopping started with buying myself stuff. Actually there really wasn't much good stuff to buy and most the sales there weren't that appealing to me. I just waited for my mother to finish trying on some clothes at a store called Black and White which had a 40 minutes dressing room wait and we headed back home to pick up the third musketeer in our merry band of early morning deal-getters.

This year this department store called Boscov's was giving out door prizes and was conveniently located next to the store my father wanted to buy out. So there I stood with the huddled masses int he freezing cold waiting for my prize. Strangely it seems too many years of mothering have caused my own mom to forget her own advice. She always wanted us to bundle up as kids before going outside and even offered me a scarf as we headed out. Since when do guys wear scarves? As we stood there shivering I realize that no only is my mother wearing capri-length pants but she also has no socks on, tsk tsk. Lucky for us the store came out early and handed out the prizes. I got the wonderful prize of getting the opportunity of shopping in the store for a $10 discount. I just waited 1 hour in the freezing cold for a coupon and I was happy to do so!

Since we already got our prize we immediately left the line with pretty much everyone else that got their prizes. No way anyone will wait the remaining 30 minutes in the cold for the store to open. In the time we had been waiting my father had already filled the car with stuff from the first store and was on his second trip to buy. I tried hard and succeeded in not buying stupid crap I had no use for at these department stores. Especially my father not so subtly convinced me I didn't want something because it was possible he may have already bought it. These department store really do sell a lot of crap. Chinese slave labor and lax safety laws I salute you!

In the early morning we managed to spend hours in just 2 stores making purchases at least 10 times. I did manage to find some gifts for my future nieces so it was a success for me. We moved on to the worst Waste Money Fight Trash Angry Day stores of them all. The big box retailers. We skipped Walmart which is good since I hear police were called to multiple Walmarts around the US. Darn you robotic hamsters! Darn you to heck!!!! We did, however, go to Target. Let's just say my future nieces are going to be happy this Christmas. Note to self, turn into cute grand daughter to rake in the loot. I only had one thing to get at Target and was hoping to avoid the 100 person long checkout line by coming back later but my dad had found lots of stuff so I dropped off my purchase with him and went to nerd central, Gamestop.

I don't know how they do it but Gamestop had really no good deals whatsoever and still were packed. Heck even I went there knowing this. I kept to my goal of not buying video games until next year and instead bought a gift for a family I don't even really know. Hopefully this makes up for buying stuff for myself. The line in Gamestop had maybe 10 people in it yet it took longer to get through that line than it took my father to get through the aforementioned 100 person target line. Go efficiency. While in line I learned that Old Navy now sells video games (say what?) and helped a lady find Wii stuff.

---Intermission---

This is a long post so deal with it!

At first I assumed she was buying for her kids but it turns out her and her friend were "getting into the Wii experience" for the first times and were buying it for their husbands. There were hopelessly confused by all the random plastic things that come with Wii enjoyment and I gave them a crash course in all things gun attachment related for the Wii. their husbands wanted to shoot things and hunt (it is Pennsylvania after all) and they were getting them the awful, awful, awful hunting games. The nerd part of me yearned to explain how bad these games were and how they shouldn't support shovelware but when I noticed the joy they expressed at getting these gifts for their families I bit my tongue and refrained from explaining to them the finer points of zombie hunting on the Wii. So for those keeping track that is 2 points for Joe at Gamestop. 1 for buying a gift for someone I didn't really know and 1 for increasing the profitability of garbage games on the Wii. Oh my goodness, maybe that's why Gamestop is so popular. It brings out the good in all of us! Oh and I am pretty sure Hurley from the TV show Lost was the guy who rang me up. 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42

Then it was back to the mall to finish up visiting the stores that couldn't force their employees to work at 3am even though the guy who ran the Asian slushie drink stand was there with the rest of us. There really wasn't many good stores in that mall anyway so we defaulted back to the very same store we spent all morning in. After making our gajillionth purchase from the same store it was off to Lowes and then we were done. 13 hours of straight up shopping spanning 2 days. I ended up with 2 points and maybe 4 gifts total and it was worth it. Didn't get to see any fights or stores getting bashed in though. Oh well.

Tip - Amazon has most of the same deals and you don't need to brave the cold at 3am.

Tip - Seems like most stores' temporary early morning sales were "extended." Like I believe they made all new signage that morning to "extend" their sales.

Tip - Do not buy hunting games on the Wii.

Editors note: Just kidding I don't have an editor but I did edit out a lot of more specific gifts that were purchased and the more obvious places i went to buy gifts. even with Christmas lists some surprise is still fun.

Super late zombie of the month

2009-11-03T07:51:00.005-07:00

Insert lame excuse here________ work _______ blah blah ________ saving the world. A couple friends have asked me about why I haven't posted this yet and it surprised me that someone other than my girlfriend actually reads this blog. Then it surprised me again that I somehow convinced someone to be my girlfriend. Then we get back to the beginning with the surprise that she actually reads this drivel as well.

I actually hesitated to post this month's zombie because it seems the coven of professional zombie biographers who created this calender got swine flu or something and totally phoned it in for the month of November. This is the stupidest and most worthless month yet when it comes to zombies and I am almost embarrassed to allow this on my blog. OK, I'm really not since I have a PS3 trophy card and a section for spinning fetuses on my blog. For the month of November I present the Alien Zombie. Err, what?

Identifying Marks - No Identifying features during incubation period

Origin - Unknown

Intelligence - Immeasurable

Mobility - Inter-galactic and inter-species roaming capabilities

Hot Spots - Evacuated mining colonies, abandoned space stations, points of terrestrial impact

Danger Rating - 12

So, uh, yeah. Apparently we having alien zombies and they are boring and uninspired. I either forgot to copy down the gore factor before leaving work or the calendar people forgot to make up some off-topic word to describe it. I really don't want to justify this month's zombie with any sort of write up so I won't.

Zombie of the month

2009-10-01T09:35:00.004-06:00

Wow am I late with this month's zombie. I think the excuse I will use is that my work is blocking all our non-work Internet access so I can't update this as easy seeing as the calendar is at work. Ok, so technically blogger isn't blocked but with everyone watching the Internet usage closely right now I probably shouldn't be blogging from work anyway even if it is just to do the zombies.

One of the freakiest and most disturbing things in horror movies for me is closely related to this month's zombie. Evil children of any kind for some reason just plain freak me out. Whether they be demons, zombies, girl's stuck in wells or dybbuks (see below) they all give me nightmares. So here goes nothing, the Child Zombie!

Identifying Marks - Sunken eyes; discolored flesh; open wounds; delayed motor response; limited speech capability (i.e., low growls and moans)

Origin - Cosmic radiation; hell runneth over

Gore Factor - Particularly upsetting

Intelligence - Low; manipulative

Mobility - Slow with long-range roaming capabilities; lures victims

Hot Spots - Churches; abandoned schools; parks

Danger Rating - 11

I can't say I've ever heard of zombies created by cosmic radiation. I'm, pretty sure that's how Marvel superheroes are created so maybe the author of this got confused. Then again maybe there was a zombie X-Men or something. This month comes at a good time since I just finally got around to watching the movie The Unborn. Unfortunately that movie sucked. But at least the kid was freaky. Who cares how awful the movie was if that kid remained in my dreams for days to come? He technically wasn't a zombie but a dybbuk but close enough in my book.

I am a nerd. I like nerd things.

2009-09-08T11:58:00.004-06:00

So anyone that knows me is well aware of this fact. I am a nerd. I have a computer degree, I am a software tester and I play tons of video games. Since I do nerd stuff so others don't have to I would like to share some of the things I enjoy. This way if anyone has the desire to join the nerdery or are curious as to how us nerds live I can highlight some of it.

Nerds like web comics, more specifically web comics about science, math and video games.

Two of my more favorite web comics are Penny Arcade and XKCD. Both of these are pretty well known even outside the nerd circles. Penny Arcade focuses mainly on video game culture and D&D so it may be a bit out there for some people. Heck I don't even get the humor some of the time either. XKCD covers the gamut of nerd friendly topics. They touch on video games, math, science, quantum physics, relationships, the collected works of Joss Whedon, and sci fi (sy fy if your CEO is a moron), and much much more. Ok you got me there, relationships aren't very nerdy but then again it seemed like the nerd majors in college had more married students than other. I highly recommend both sites but a word of warning to the kiddies that read my blog (where are your parents!) these comic do contain strong language and sometimes touch upon mature subjects so be careful.

Another nerdy habit of mine is to listen to video game related music from time to time. I don't really get into it that much though. Players of the game Rock Band may notice very strange songs on the download list from PAX. That type of stuff I normally don't like. Instead I listen to things like the remixed Chrono Trigger soundtrack. Chrono Trigger was one of the best games ever made and had great music to begin with. A group of fans took it a step further and remixed the songs which sound great. Lovers of classical music should also appreciate it since it is heavy on the full orchestra.

A more recent discovery of mine is a group called Anamanaguchi. They basically hacked (nerds love hacking) open an old school Nintendo and produce music through that. It has quite an interesting sound to it and their videos are all done in old video game graphics and timed to match the music. It is really an interesting idea and I recommend it to those looking for something different.

Lastly I would just like to point out that I like video games a lot and recently have been playing a lot of PS3. Current generation systems have things called trophies or achievements that basically provide you a list of time wasting goals to complete in games above and beyond the normal story. I found a neat site that updates an image with my progress and I felt like adding it to the blog. If it isn't up by the time you read this then I guess I wasn't nerdy enough to figure out how to code it in.

Oh and nerds also like to include lots of hyperlinks in their blogs. Enjoy!

Poak Chops

2009-09-04T00:13:00.002-06:00

Recently my roommate took a trip down south to visit his family. While down there he had the pleasure of meeting with a musician named Tamechi who introduced him to his hit single Poak Chops. For those of you that don't speak "dirty south," poak chops are things you can shake on the dance floor. Obviously this is going to be one heck of a music video:

After watching that I was reminded of another set of music videos someone recently showed to me. I present to you Ms. Peachez:

I wasn't previously aware at how prevalent the whole transvestite, food related rap industry was but consider me enlightened. The similarities between the videos are many as well. All the videos have main singers dressed up as women, food related lyrics, tons of children gettin' freaky on the dance floor (and by dance floor I mean the backyard), booty shaking, and are set in very rundown parts of the south. I think out of the three Poak Chops is my favorite. I may even consider picking up the single on iTunes.

Zombie of the month

2009-09-01T10:57:00.004-06:00

It is kind of sad my only posts lately have been zombie of the month posts but I just haven't felt like writing recently and have also been very busy. Oh crap now I sound like everyone else who neglects their blogs. Um I mean I haven't written lately because I am training for the world record in watermelon seed spitting and my coach disallows Internet usage as it causes lack of concentration. Much better.

The zombie for this month comes from across the pond and is also the only zombie showing its national pride in its name, the British Zombie!

Identifying Marks - Red eyes; discolored flesh; open wounds; immediate, lethal motor response; limited speech capability (i.e. snarls and shrieks)

Origin - Medical mishap; viral transmission

Gore Factor - Bloody awful

Intelligence - High

Mobility - Fast with medium-range roaming capabilities

Hot Spots - Merry Olde England; classic horror remakes

Danger Rating - 10

Wow a danger rating of 10!! I am never going to England again. All those jokes about bad teeth must be referring to the decay caused by an all brain diet. The British do love their sweetbreads. As for this mysterious country called "classic horror remakes," I wasn't familiar with it so I consulted Google maps. This pinpointed the homeworld of these zombies in Burbank California. So residents near Burbank and Cahuenga Boulevards beware. There be British amongst ye!

Note: I would have Binged (I wish this never becomes a real word) it but Microsoft is in cahoots with zombies and refuses to disclose their location as is proven by the following photograph.

Waste of space

2009-08-26T10:31:00.001-06:00

Someone commented to me recently that I have been blogging less now that I am dating again. Interesting observation....

Zombie of the month

2009-07-31T10:12:00.003-06:00

Since tomorrow is Saturday and this calendar is at my workplace you get the zombie of the month 1 day early! Lucky you. This month's zombie is the dreaded Atomic Zombie! Whatever that is...

Identifying Marks - Green eyes; pale skin; open seeping sores; instantaneous motor response; limited speech capability (i.e., screeches and shrieks)

Origin - Nuclear mishap; toxic-waste exposure

Gore Factor - Nasty

Intelligence - Low

Mobility - Low-range roaming capabilities; unexpected outbursts of radical violence

Hot Spots - Nevada; the former U.S.S.R.; North Korea

Danger Rating - 9

Not really sure what an Atomic Zombie is or why violent outbursts are classified as a mobility type but apparently they do exist except in limited areas. These limited areas yet again prove that the 3 Mile Island incident was not a bad thing but a good display of the effectiveness of the safety system in place. Even with as much human error as there was on that day the system still shutdown and worked as designed to prevent a true disaster, namely the creation of Atomic Zombies. Too bad everyone is still afraid of nuclear power.

Unlike the dog from last month this type of zombie doesn't seem to be too popular in video games or media and the American variety is currently gainfully employed in the making of those really annoying bikes that take up the road when you are late for work. I did however manage to find one picture of the North Korean variety. I think the glasses are to hide the trademark green eyes.

Joe's adventures in sexting.

2009-07-24T19:38:00.004-06:00

Yeah you read that right, sexting. It's the new cellphone craze where you send nekkid pictures of yourself and receive then in return from the person you are sexting with. All the cool kids are doing it! Ok, I admit I just used that title to get your attention but I really do have a sexting story to share even though it is quite creepy.

I was just sitting at work one day hard at work and minding my own business. Notice how all bad stories start with "minding my own business" in the first few sentences? And I get this text message froma number I didn't recognize. I looked up the area code in google and it was from Texas. I have friends in Texas so I figured it may be one of them using a friend's/wife's phone or something. Here is how the conversation played out with the addition of my commentary on what I was thinking in paranthesis:

Unkown Caller: U there

Me: Yes who is this?

Unknown Caller: Ed

(Urge to ask a question about horses rising....)

Me: Ed who?

Ed: Ed

(At this point I figured it was a computer text spammer that would just answer "Ed" every time it saw the word "who" so I decided to mess with it)

Me: So if i type who you auto respond

Ed: Do what? Im confused

(I guess I confused him into thinking it was some secret password thing)

Ed: Did u get the pics i sent u yet

(This can't be good)

Me: I am trying to figure out who you are and it looked like you are a spam company

Ed: No spam co. Didnt we talk yesterday

Me: About?

Ed: We talked about us what we looked like u told me u would send pics of..........and i told u i would send pics of stuff

(I like his use of ".........." yadda yadda yadda would have worked to. I can't image which "stuff" he was trying to send me pictures of)

Me: You have the wrong number im afraid

Ed: Im so sorry how embarassing

("Go ahead and take a seat, take a seat right there." Sorry that was a South Park reference for those of you that didn't catch it)

Ed: Did i send pics 2 u by accident

(Thank goodness no)

Me: Negative

Ed: Ok good. Sorry

What is even creepier is no less than maybe 30 minutes later I get another random text, this time from Pennsylvania, that ended up being something very similar. So I can only hope this was from some stupid dating site and not child predators but who knows. Maybe it was Zac Efron getting the latest nudie shot from Vanessa Hudgens and my number is close. Who knows. just a very uncomfortable incident that has scarred my phone forever.

Love thy neighbor

2009-07-15T09:26:00.003-06:00

When I first was looking at buying the house I currently own I had heard rumors that the neighborhood was upset at me for buying it. They didn't want some dirty, single student trash type living in their neighborhood. I don't blame them either; I'm a horrible person that should probably be locked away forever. This of course worried me some. I didn't want to move into a hostile situation. That really isn't what I was looking for. In the end I decided it was all a silly rumor and I went forward with purchasing my first home.

Fast forward to today and I'm just about to head out the door to work. I hear the doorbell ring and found it strange seeing as nobody I know is awake at 7:30 in the morning unless they are headed to work. At first I thought they were solicitors though usually I don't get any of those types until the evenings. Upon closer inspection I saw that their badges were for the Provo City Code Enforcement Agency. Are they even considered an agency? Maybe it said group, or club, or secret society of affluent future politicians. It was early and I was tired so I forget exactly what their title was. Basically somebody was tattling on me for something and they were here to enforce it.

Their first gripe was they had reports I was living with tons of renters. Granted this is a very valid concern in Provo with all the students and illegal apartments going on but I only live with 1 person. I do have a cat though and he weighs like 20 lbs so maybe he makes me go over the occupancy limit. I explained this to them and they gave me a shocked and disbelieving look. I was very close to showing them that I have two completely empty bedrooms, almost no furniture whatsoever, an empty fridge, and the only roommate I have was living in the smallest room of my house. Instead I ignored their thinly veiled accusation I was lying (they asked me if I was sure I only have one roommate) and I explained to them that my brother was planning to move in later as well as one more friend. Immediately they told me that would not be allowed. Err, I've read to zoning laws and I am completely legal. The law states 1 head of household, all family members (note; Provo does not consider cousins or in-laws family), and no more than 2 non related singles.

After I corrected them on their incorrect knowledge of the laws they are to enforce they switched to complaining about my lawn. I'll admit I didn't check the city laws about lawn condition but then again should I need to? Lawn care is usually something left to Home Owner's Associations and my neighborhood does not have one. I looked earlier today and the only thing I can find so far about lawn condition is if you store junk in your lawn or have so many overgrown weeds that a fire hazard is present. My lawn is dead, plain and simple. I watered it for a couple weeks and nothing grew but a few small weeds so I gave up. It is the middle of the summer and I just moved in what exactly do they want me to do? The previous owner trashed the place and never took care of anything so it really isn't my problem. I want a nice green lawn too but right now it isn't the right time to seed and I don't have sufficient money to fix something I find as a secondary luxury.

I think they realized they were wrong about being able to get me on my lawn so they moved to their third problem, the pieces of fencing stored in my RV parking at the side of my house and the small play shed at the end of my parking area in the back yard. Again this is something I thought was normally handled by a Home Owner's Association and not city officials unless it reaches the level of fire, health or other safety hazard. I have a small children's play shed and a couple pieces of vinyl and metal fencing. While unsightly these objects are not hazardous and they have been on the properly for probably 5 or more years. When I bought the house the sellers agreed to remove the shed which among multiple other things she lied about. I have been unsuccessful in getting her to do what she said she would so I am working on getting that stuff cleaned up. But seriously this stuff including the poorly maintained lawn has been this way for years. Why wait until the filthy non-breeder moves in to make a big fuss over it?

After making me late for work the agent finally agreed I was doing what I needed to remedy the situation and left saying they would mail me a letter with all my "violations" in it. I am kind of interested to see what they try to hit me with since it is all baseless. This does frustrate me though. I went around and tried to meet and talk with all my neighbors to alleviate their concerns and explain what I was doing but I guess either someone lied to my face or the neighbors I have yet to talk to were offended I did not grace them with my presence.

Provo laws are discriminatory enough without overzealous neighbors trying to throw their weight around. First of all, I'm not technically a single person. I'm a divorcee just like the previous owner who was not harassed. Second, I am not a student. So all their misguided hatred towards students is unfounded. Third, I want to make the place nice. I have heard horror stories about the previous owners. I have seen the damage and neglect to the property first hand and I am trying to fix things. I'm not going to trash the place like the last owners. Fourth, just because I don't have children doesn't make me any less of a citizen or person. It's not my fault my wife abandoned me. I know of married couples without kids and no one complains to them. I mean if it is that big of a deal I can invite women of questionable standards over and make some. That would really add some class to the neighborhood. Lastly, just back off. If you got problems come to me and tell me to my face. Don't send people to do your dirty work with semi made up rules and fancy badges. I just drove through the neighborhood on my way to work and guess what? Someone else has a dead lawn they are repairing. Someone else stores construction materials in their driveway. Other people are renting. Other people don't have kids. Other people go to school. It's not that big a deal.

I guess some good will come of this. I will definitely be taking local elections more seriously from now on. I don't understand why us marriage-impaired don't rise up and fight against the discrimination. Their are more of us after all.

Zombie of the month

2009-07-01T09:25:00.006-06:00

Every year our manager buys calendars for all the supervisor level employees in our department. These calendars range from workplace themed calendars like a cubicle decoration calendar to the more wacky 12 months of pirates calendar. They had an extra one (and by extra I mean unwanted) this year and it was gifted to me by one of the project managers. I present to you the Boogeymanuals Zombie Field Guide Calendar! That's right, I was given a zombie calendar at work, complete with all the requisite blood splatter backgrounds, grotesque faces, and somewhere in there is a very small calendar. Why ruin a perfectly good calendar with things like days of the week and month names? For the month of July we have the Dog Zombie:

Identifying Marks - Red eyes; oily, matted fur; open wounds with possible parasitic infestation; advanced motor response with lethal consequences; basic canine speech capability (i.e., snarls and growls)

Origin - Viral transmission

Gore Factor - Visceral; rabid

Intelligence - Medium

Mobility - Quick bursts of acceleration combined with superior agility

Hot Spots - Private medical facilities; government agencies

Danger Rating - 8

I always knew that the government was creating these undead dog armies but I had no idea they hoarded them in hospitals. Yet another reason to hate going to see doctors. Luckily I always carry a sawed-off shotgun and grenade launcher in my pocket to take care of any zombies I encounter having superior agility. Now I just need to figure out what a gore factor of "rabid" is referring to.

Skeptoid

2009-06-30T21:58:00.003-06:00

I looked back and I guess my recent posts have mostly been negative rants. This one should be a much happier tone. I am a little late in the game but I have started listening to podcasts lately. The nerd in me wants to listen to all the gamer podcasts but I figure I read enough gaming and computer articles that there is no need to listen to people read them to me. Instead I try to vary my podcasts a little. My first two were the official Lost podcast and the BS Report. The Lost podcast really is only for those who follow the show, which everyone should be watching anyway. The BS report is a humorous mostly sports related podcast put out by Bill Simmons, a popular ESPN columnist. I highly recommend it but what I really want to talk about is the newest podcast I found.

As is also the title of my post this podcast is called Skeptoid. It is dedicated to debunking urban legends, discussing scientific explanations for things, and discussing weird pop culture phenomena. It is a fun podcast that touches subjects like aliens, bunk science, politics, conspiracy theories and the like. His most recent podcast about Sarah Palin I found very very good and regardless of your political leanings I would recommend a listen. Some other good ones are the ones about high fructose corn syrup, FEMA prison camps and any of the listener feedback ones.

Overall he has 150+ podcasts and his site has transcripts and other ways to listen for those that don't have iPods *cough* Dan and his crappy Zune *cough* as well as other things he writes about and does. I really enjoy what he does and I hope you do as well.

Some people should not be allowed to reproduce.

2009-06-27T21:33:00.002-06:00

It may be mean but it is true. I probably won't be a perfect father either but seriously it's ridiculous how little some people care. I see evidence of this every time I'm in public whether it be the mall, in a park, at a restaurant and especially at movie theaters which is what I want to discuss further.

I just got back from watching the new Transformers movie and while I enjoyed it the kids were just plain out of control. I understand it is a movie based on a cartoon but it is rated PG-13 for a reason. It is such a simple rating to understand too. None of this confusing G, PG and R stuff. It has the age right in the name; 13, meaning appropriate for 13 and up. There was lots of swearing, violence, sex jokes, drugs and more in the movie. I know I'm not judge the for when a person is old enough to view these sorts of things but when a 6 year old is laughing about a crude reference to losing one's virginity (think fruit) it is obvious she's seen way too many movies she shouldn't have.

But I digress. What I really want to touch on is the lack of parenting leading to the bad behavior at the theater tonight. I'll go by age group starting with infants; those who are completely reliant on their parents to protect them and care for them. Movies are NOT a place for infants, period. They do not understand where they are or what is going on. Loud sounds frighten them and can damage their hearing. Get a babysitter or don't go. When you become a parent you need to make some sacrifices. I know of no movie good enough to sacrifice my child's well being for. I understand that you need to get away every once and a while and have some time on your own but guess what? When you bring your baby with you to a movie theater you still aren't spending time on your own. Every single time there was a fight scene or explosion at least one child starting screaming. I counted at least 4 different crying babies throughout the movie and not a single one of them was ever taken to the hallway. Unacceptable.

Next comes the age when you should know how to behave but sometimes need reminding. These are the ones aged around 5-10 years old. Given their display tonight I will refer to them as "Climbers." I already mentioned that there shouldn't be any Climbers watching this movie but this theater was chock full of them. I mentioned to my friends that the Climbers behind me weren't as bad as the ones behind them but that was only because I got my seat kicked 2-3 times instead of throughout the entire movie. See the problem with the Climbers age group is they have a very short attention span. You lose them in 5 minutes so good luck trying to get them through a 2.5 hour movie. The ones behind us decided that climbing around the seats was the best use of their time. There was another in front that was let run up and down the aisle as well as allowed to climb the 10 foot wall next to the stairs. For those of you not following the math, child + 10 foot fall = bad parents. Some Climbers also got bored climbing inanimate objects and decided that sitting and climbing in mom's lap was more fun. I had one child in front of me that kept bouncing or jumping in his mom's lap throughout the last half of the movie. It is really hard to watch a movie seeing a shape bouncing around out of the corner of my eye. If your kid is bored take him home. The movie wasn't right for him in the first place and there is no way you can concentrate on it with a child jumping around.

Moving on we get to the t'weens and teens. Quite possibly the worst age group because they should know better. I guess I can't directly blame parents for these ones since most are unaccompanied but my guess is lack of discipline led to certain behaviors. We purposefully avoided sitting near three boys I dub the "Punch Brothers" because they could not resist repeatedly punching each other the entire time in line. Sitting near them was just asking for trouble. Unfortunately we got stuck sitting around those that are so addicted to text messaging they just can't resist for a couple hours. Multiple times before the movie they ask you to silence your phones. That is hard enough for people to understand so many theaters are saying now to turn phones off and specifically saying NO TEXTING! Sorry let me rephrase, PLS NO TXTING!!!11!! It's bad enough hearing your phone vibrate every 5 seconds but when you open your phone it turns on a light. News flash! You are in a dark theater so any light source is going to be a distraction to everyone around you. I really think theaters should be monitoring and kicking people out for this. A girl behind me even started talking on her phone at one point. The evil glare shut her up pretty fast (at least t'weens are still young enough to be intimidated).

Common courtesy is all I ask. I don't mind soft talking. I don't mind laughing. Heck I don't even mind if a child is starting to become fussy and is immediately taken out to the hall. It is the complete disregard for anyone else that bothers me. Unfortunately I am at a loss as to what can be done. I can't just avoid kids movies because non-kids movies are chock full of kids. Plus, Harry Potter and even Spongebob had more well behaved kids than tonight. I can't wait for a movie to lose popularity enough to have empty theaters either. All my friends usually discuss new movies and what would be the point of paying the outrageous ticket prices to see an old movie relegated to the smaller and older theater rooms? My only attempt at a solution is that theaters start kicking more people out as examples and that we don't let some people have kids. Though I do wonder what would be more difficult, enforcing rules or forced sterilization.

On a side note, Gamestop and similar video game retailers are NOT daycare centers and Grand Theft Auto is NOT a good video game for a 3rd grader. Then again maybe I'm completely off base and shooting hookers after sleeping with them is good for kids.

Outsourced call center to the rescue! The saga of Joe vs the deadbeat Ebay seller.

2009-06-24T01:41:00.000-06:00

This whole story began when I decided that I wanted to buy Rockband 2. Being a cheapskate I found a bunch of used sets on Ebay for a pretty good price. I purposefully avoided the obvious wholesalers thinking that if I bought from a person instead there was a better chance of getting the game in better condition. I found a seller that had no selling feedback and low buying feedback (a red flag I know) but when I asked him about the condition of his game he immediately responded which is rare with scam sellers. The feedback he did have also checked out as legit and not "purchased" feedback. This is where my troubles began. On May 15th I won the auction and immediately tried to send payment. When using the Paypal button to checkout I got an error message stating that there was a problem with the user's account and to arrange payment through another means. In my experience this is always a bad thing and whenever there is a problem with a user's Paypal account it means investigation, fraud, delinquency or something else bad. I immediately sent the seller a message through the Ebay messaging system and then called Ebay directly to find out how to proceed and how to make sure I was protected. The Ebay agent was very helpful and suggested I contact the seller for an alternate Paypal address to send payment to and then to note in the payment details I was paying for an auction. I was a little wary of this but she guaranteed Ebay could track the payment and would link it to the auction as if I used the checkout button (which as fishy as it sounds turned out to be true). The seller quickly responded with an alternate account, I sent payment, and he responded asking for an address to ship to. I assumed this meant he was shipping the next day and all would be well.

About a week later I hadn't heard from the seller and was expecting a tracking number. The auction clearly states that I was paying for UPS Ground shipping with insurance so I assumed I would be getting a tracking number. No response. I again sent a message asking for a tracking number and notifying the seller I would be moving soon and I had given him plenty of time to ship the game to me before that would happen but at the very least if I had the UPS tracking number I could have them hold it for pickup or I could have them change the end address if needed. Again, no response. Finally I get a message from the seller on May 27th (2 weeks after payment) that he was having account problems and would ship ASAP. He hadn't even shipped it yet!! At this point I was getting very worried I was being ripped off but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and sent him my new address to ship to. I figured by the time it got to me I would have been moved in already and again with a UPS tracking number I could deal with them and make sure I got the package ok. I again received no response and filed a dispute claim with Paypal on June 4th.

Another week goes by and no response from the seller and no updates to the case. Things were looking good and I figured Paypal would end up ruling in my favor. I sent another message to the seller through Ebay's messaging system telling him to not even worry about trying to ship the game at this point (it had been almost a month since payment) and to just refund my money so we both could move on). I had already found the game through another seller at this point because I was tired of waiting and figured he was never going to send anyway. I had also called Paypal and they agreed with me that the buyer should just refund the money and it was ok that I had bought the game elsewhere at this point. They just needed to wait the allotted time before they could issue my refund. I guess asking for my money back were the magic words because almost immediately after the seller ships the package and notifies Paypal of this (June 10th). I start to get anxious. I don't want two copies of the game and I just wanted my money back. I immediately call Paypal and ask them what I should do. They again said it was ok and I should get a refund. All I needed to do was refuse the package and have it returned to the seller. Once that happens they can immediately refund my money. This is where the fun begins.

I realize that the seller did not ship the item via UPS and instead sent it USPS with a delivery confirmation. Even worse he shipped it to my old address and I had already moved to my new house. So I call 1-800-ASK-USPS and tried to get assistance on how to proceed. For those that aren't aware the USPS apparently cannot intercept and refuse packages mid delivery. From what I understand UPS and Fedex both can. I also find out delivery confirmation is not really a tracking method (more on that later) and I would have to wait for them to deliver the package before I could return it to the seller. I figured I'd still be ok so I waited for the package to arrive and checked the delivery status multiple times a day to see where the package was. On June 18th I see a status change and the package was scanned "Undeliverable as Addressed." I was unsure what to do again so I called the USPS and was told this meant the same as the package being refused and it would be returned to sender. They reiterated that delivery confirmation was not a tracking service and that it would most likely not be updated until it arrived back at the seller's post office. I asked the agent again if she was sure it was being returned and she assured me it was. I then called Paypal and told them what I was just told and asked if "Undeliverable as Addressed" status would be good enough for a refund. They said it wasn't but when it is marked as returned to the original post office I would get my refund then. I thought I was finally done.

Surprise! I get home the next day and I see a crushed, torn, and completely mangled box at my house. Apparently someone at the post office hand wrote "Current Resident" and my new address on a piece of paper and taped it to the front of the package. Then they sent it to my new house. I was appalled. Not only was "Current Resident" completely unacceptable for a package worth over $100 that was supposedly being "tracked" but I was just told the night before by a USPS employee the package was being returned. Not to mention the box was sealed with at least 3 types of tape, was crushed, had old Fedex labels on it, and was torn in parts. When I picked up the package to take to the post office it was obvious no packing materials were used within and you could hear the metal and plastic pieces banging into each other. I never opened it so I don't know what was inside but I'm guessing mangled plastic mess. I went to my post office and when at the counter asked to have the package refused and returned to sender. They said they would do so but were wary given the damage of the package. I explained that it was how I received it and they said they would send it back but they weren't sure if status would get scanned as refused but should be scanned once it reached the originating address. Again this was worrisome so I called Paypal and the USPS one more time. The man at Paypal was sympathetic and though it ludicrous that I refused a package yet the post office wasn't sure if it would ever be marked as such but again assured me it would be alright and I would get my refund once it arrives at the seller's address. He also mentioned that if it somehow found its way back to my house I could file a complaint about the condition of the product and get refunded that way. The call with the USPS was not as comforting. The lady was rude and very unwilling to help. She repeatedly mentioned USPS policy that a delivery confirmation was not a tracking method and should not be used as such. She also mentioned that it can be wrong and often when things are returned they are not scanned as such. She would then fall back on the policy that it was not a tracking method and was not the USPS's problem if someone else thought it was. I even asked her in a court of law if delivery confirmation could be used and she mumbled something and quickly changed the subject. The post office was now closed so I could not go back and I didn't have the tracking number on my person anymore so she refused to assist me further until I could give her the number for the package.

I waited for the weekend to pass and the status still had not changed for the package so I again called the USPS help line and initiated some sort of trace on the package. The agent again noted that delivery confirmation is not a tracking system and should not be used as such but that they would locate the package and update the status. She also told me an agent would call me by the end of the next business day and notify me of the status change. The next business day came and went and no phone call or status update occurred. I again called Paypal to get further advice on how to proceed. Upon hearing that the USPS delivery confirmation was being used the Paypal agent quickly stated that she knew the USPS often doesn't scan things as refused or returned to sender and that it would probably stay marked as delivered. This infuriated me since I was doing everything the Paypal agents were telling me I needed to do and not once did any of them mention that they already knew the delivery confirmation status would be a problem. She then said other things which angered me even further. She claims that regardless what the auction states, the seller can use any shipping method they choose without penalty. This basically means you can pay someone for overnight UPS and the seller can ship it any way they want without penalty. She also said that even though USPS policy states delivery confirmation isn't a tracking method Paypal sees it as such so if I wanted a refund the USPS has to issue it. The last crazy thing she said was that at any time now the seller can call them and get the dispute closed in his favor just by pointing out the delivery confirmation says delivered. There was no way I could get judgement delayed until I dealt with USPS and there was no way they were going to deal with USPS or find out what was going on. As long as the Internet posted status said "Delivered" I was out of luck. Even if it got changed to refused later on I would not be able to reopen the claim but I could try to attempt an appeal. She said it was USPS at fault and that she sees them mess up in this manner all the time. So basically I have, at the direction of Paypal employees returned the game back to the seller and have next to no chance of getting my money back. They want me to get my money back from the USPS who are falling back on their policy that delivery confirmation is not a tracking system. At last resort I decided to give Ebay a call.

Success!! I know there are many who bash Ebay and Paypal support but let me tell you they are completely different experiences. I was also wary at first, I was being transferred to an outsourced, foreign call center that probably had no idea about the perils of the US postal system or anything about my account or policies. Instead I was greeted by a very friendly agent who knew exactly what to do. I really wish I could remember her name but she listened to me rant a bit and took a look at my account. She apologized for the trouble and then transferred me to a special case team for preferred clients. I guess this is Ebay's version of executive customer support. I was connected with Sayiid and he listened attentively to my entire story. He apologized and related how he hears these USPS horror stories all the time and could sympathize. He also took a look at my account and offered a solution. He understood that I no longer had the game in my possession but was unable to prove the true status of the package and that I was getting the runaround by both Paypal and the USPS. He immediately offered me a refund and said that I would no longer have to worry about it. He would close the claim, refund the money, and said I could forget about the whole situation. It didn't matter where the package ended up or who was at fault. I am pretty sure Ebay is just going to take the hit. Personally I would like to see the seller penalized for doing what he did but I am glad to be done with it all. For those out there wanting to get a cheap copy of Rockband 2 I would avoid Ebay seller masensmith78 as he will probably try to resell the game once he gets it back and make another quick $100 ripping someone else off. Plus even if he does ship that game is probably in horrible condition by now.

All in all I learned not to judge a call center based on their location or accents and once you have exhausted all your options with Paypal and the shipper you can always fall back on Ebay's own separate resolution department. Kudos to you Ebay, I will continue to be a happy user of your services. Too bad I have to use Paypal in order to do so.

Some after shots

2009-06-20T12:44:00.003-06:00

I know it has been a while since I last posted. I've been busy with the house and things are going a little slower than expected on the remodeling, unpacking, organizing etc.... I took a couple shots of some of the room since I've moved in. The floors are done but I'm still waiting on the manufacturer for the base boards. I also have boxes of stuff still sitting in places and things I'm not sure where to put yet. I also need more furniture but I'm working on that.

Family Room - Before

Family Room - After

Dining Room - Before

Dining Room - After

I will have more up once I get the living room finished and the baseboards put in.

New look

2009-05-23T22:07:00.000-06:00

I got a couple new templates so we'll see which I like the best and decide to stick with. Your comments are appreciated.

The before time

2009-05-23T21:22:00.004-06:00

As I posted in an earlier entry I recently paid off my car and got out of debt. I was at a loss what to do next so I figured I'd get back into debt again. This time I decided to sign away the next 30 years of my life instead of the 2 years for the car. I just bought a house! Why a house you ask? Well at this stage in my life it just felt right. I had (and still have) plans to eventually move back out east and officially settle down but right now I think the thing I want most is stability. Moving means new people, new places, and new job if I can even get one. That was something I really didn't feel good about and right now with the (insert the economy sucks comment here______) yada yada yada I figured I would settle in for now and check back again in 5-10 years.

Then came my next predicament. I wanted a house that was large, in Provo, and not attached to any other houses. I am not a huge fan of townhouses or duplexes especially since they are often inhabited by annoying neighbors (especially the rude people upstairs). Learn to discipline your children sheesh!! This would prove to be difficult because large and in Provo means more expensive than most houses. I had friends showing me houses in Texas or North Carolina that were very nice and cheap but obviously the in Provo criteria was not met. I was willing to pay a slight premium for location. (On a side note don't ask me why I wanted in Provo. I really don't know but it feels right).

Then I got lucky and found a house the size I want in Provo and the best part was it was in my price range. The negative part of that is that it was neglected and needed work. Lots of work. I don't know how people can live in a house they neglected so badly but I guess it is really none of my business. As with most home improvement projects I have take before pictures and will update with after pictures once I get stuff done. I'll post a few in the blog and you can view the rest here.

Snikt!!!

2009-05-03T14:41:00.002-06:00

The summer movie season has officially started! Normally I don't get too excited about it since I'm never all that excited for most movies but this year may prove to be different. It seems like almost every week there will be at least one movie I am interested in seeing. At least for the month of May I will be busy every weekend watching movies. The first movie this year was X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I grew up with this comic and Saturday morning cartoon so I was very excited and all in all the movie didn't dissapoint.

I'll try to keep this as spoiler free as possible for those who were somehow doing something more important than watching this movie already. The movie was good. Part of the fanboy inside of me would consider this movie good no matter what but then the other part takes issue with some of the artistic license taken with character backstories and powers. I really didn't mind when the original X-Men movies replaced Shadowcat with Rogue when portraying Wolverine's father-like relationship with the younger members. What I do mind is when they completely make up or change powers for characters. Or when they kill off or belittle characters for seemingly no reason *cough* X-Men 3 *cough*

I wasn't really aware of characters like Agent 0, Bolt, Silver Fox, Kestrel and never was a huge fan of Deadpool like some people are but why did we have to mess with their stories and powers so much? Out of the group Kestrel stayed most true to form since he at least still had his teleporting ability. The rest got all messed up. Out of the hundreds of X-Men you couldn't find any characters with the powers you wanted to portray? You really had to just make up new powers for existing characters? And what in the world were they thinking when portraying Deadpool? It's just blasphemy. At least they got one of my all time favorite characters, Gambit, more or less correct.

This is where they did a good job. Gambit, even with barely any screen time, was awesome! Kinetic cards, acrobatics, and even his helicopter jump with his fighting staff was included. I hope they make a movie with him in the future. They did mess up his age in relation to everyone else but I can forgive that. The Blob was done well as was Wolverine and Sabretooth. I was even pretty thrilled about them showing Emma Frost though they didn't focus at all on her real powers. Deadpool also was done quite well up until they completely ruined his character towards the end. This is a story about Wolverine and Sabretooth so it was refreshing they did a decent job of those two characters at least.

Overall I did enjoy the movie and was happy I went to see it opening day. When it comes to reviewing movies it basically always comes down to one thing for me; was it worth what I paid to see it? I paid full price for this one so I expected something good and it did deliver overall. Nitpicky fanboy complaints aside I liked the movie and will probably end up buying it. Oh and for those females out there not sure they really want to see a movie like this you get to see a naked Hugh Jackman and oft shirtless Ryan Renolds.

Next up Star Trek! Looking for someone to watch movies with as well since my brother is headed home and my cousin is broke.

Joseph picked their (5) for things I hate about Facebook

2009-04-14T00:24:00.007-06:00

Don't get me wrong I think Facebook is pretty cool. Way better than that scam known as Classmates, but sometimes it just gets annoying. In true Facebook style I just did my pick 5 of the things I hate about Facebook in no particular order.

1 - Facebook Fan System
Joseph Meyers is a fan.
Become a fan

This is something that was really a neat idea at first but turned into a mess shortly thereafter. It can be cool seeing and learning about the things people like but there were no real rules on the fan pages being made. I'm not sure which Art Garfunkel spelling I am more a fan of. And seriously aren't people more a fan of Simon and Garfunkel than just Art himself? Then we got things like fan pages for every single actor that has ever had a bit part on CSI. It was also nice to know that some of my friends were fans of breathing. I guess all the rest of you have gills like Kevin Costner in Waterworld of which I'm pretty sure you can not only be a fan of the actor and movie but also the gills themselves. Oh and Chuck Norris, we get it, he's awesome because of the Internet but does anyone really like him, or his movies, or Walker Texas Ranger? I'm not a Facebook fan but I can sing you the theme song to that show, how many others can claim that?

2 - Joseph Meyers > Random Friend You Don't Know: That girl you were with last night was soooo HOT!!11! I hope your girlfriend doesn't find out.

Gotta love how not really private conversations are even less private on the new Facebook design. I understand there are private messages and an option to limit who gets to see it. I also understand that wall posts are semi public anyway but I rarely check everyone's page every day to see what their random friends are saying. Now I have no choice, it's posted right on my news feed whether I like it or not. It's like if you are at a dinner party and a friend gets a call on his cellphone. Let's also assume this friend decides he shouldn't call the person back or excuse himself while on the phone (manners people!). You and all your other guests get to hear one end of a conversation they really don't care about. Facebook has taken this awesome experience and made it so you don't even need to make dinner to get it.

3 - Joseph took the What banned substance using professional athlete are you? quiz and the result is Roger Clemens

I'd imagine if that quiz did exist (I wouldn't be suprised) some of the questions would include; "Do all your family members and dearest friends take banned substances and recall you taking them as well?" "Do you often get injected in the buttocks with mystery fluids?" and "Do you frequently associate with people who keep your old needles, bandages and blood samples in a shoebox in their basement?" But yeah some quizzes were cool... but that was back when AOL Instant Messenger was cool. I also really don't need to know what color aura you have or what city in California you are best suited to live in. Just California? Really limiting yourself there. Also beware the quiz variant that tests your knowledge of 80's sitcom theme songs or Disney movies starring deer. Is it really an "ultimate" quiz if every person I know scores 100%? Next up The Alphabet quiz! I bet I'd get 25 out of 26. Darn you Boggle! Qu is not a real letter!

4 - Joseph Meyers just completed dealing cocaine in Mob Wars!

I can't remember if that is an actual event but close enough. Why are respectable people and children playing such things? First of all it's just an advanced chain letter and second it's a very not fun version of real gang life, which I also hear is very not fun. Then again the other "games" aren't much better. Oh look my garden filled with Troll dolls is getting bigger. I can stare at this for days and days. Forget troll dolls, I'm waiting to the Alf POG collecting game. I guess at this point I should stop ranting and give credit where credit is due. I hear the Scrabble game is really fun and I haven't seen it myself because it doesn't spam me everytime someone gets a high score. Bejeweled does however and it's still hard to get mad because Bejeweled practically owns the world. At least until that Zombie game I posted earlier gets released. There's a zombie on your lawn...There's a zombie on your lawn...There's a zombie on your lawn...We don't want zombies on the lawn.

5 - Joseph picked their (5) for "Celebrity adopted children I wish I could be"

I think it's best to end with where I began. Pick 5 has arrived and it came, saw and conquered my news feed. We won't get started on the bad grammar in the line that gets posted on every update; especially since I know my grammar is probably less than ideal, but this thing is just getting annoying. It is nice to know which of my male soon to be ex-friends like Twilight as one of their top 5 movies but there seems to be a pick 5 for everything and it takes up a ton of space. On a side note if there was a pick 5 on Nintendo related Shows/Movies my 5 would be: The Wizard, The Legend of Zelda Cartoon, Captain N, Mortal Combat Series, and that YouTube clip of the kid opening an N64 at Christmas.

I love the power glove. It's so bad!

I almost forget one other thing that has since died out so I'll give it an honorable mention.

New look

2009-04-11T17:09:00.002-06:00

I am already tired of this boring default template for my blog. I am looking for something premade that has a wider post section and possible tabs for different types of posts. I've looked around and haven't found much of anything that interests me. Any suggestions for places to go look? Oh and if the templates were easily edited (widths, images, colors etc...) that would be awesome as well. Post you suggestions please.

Kawaii

2009-04-02T19:27:00.004-06:00

For those who live near me you already know this but to enlighten everyone else I am currently looking into buying a house. I'm just sick and tired of dealing with rent, small spaces, and ridiculously loud and annoying neighbors. While searching through listings and google maps I caught myself referring to houses as "cute." To some this may seem an odd choice of an adjective to describe something that isn't Hello Kitty related but this got me thinking. When is it OK for a guy to refer to things as cute and still retain his man card? After a good 5 minutes of deep thought I have come up with some acceptable circumstances.

Babies and young children are cute. Let's face it. No matter who you are or where you are from kids are cute. And even if they aren't, when in the presence of their parents make sure to refer to them as cute or at the very least "breathtaking."

Anything related to your girlfriend is, by default, cute. Hair, clothes, purse, pants, shirt, necklace, makeup, dress, glasses, shoes, car, etc.... If you don't refer to them as cute and not making her look fat she will soon cease to be your girlfriend and then the default cuteness goes away as well.

Animals can also be referred to as cute. This is especially true with pandas. I mean seriously pandas are the cutest things in the whole world. Case in point :

Besides pandas pretty much everything at this site is also cute Cute Overload.

And this brings us to houses. I'm really not sure why just yet but it seems to fit. When I think of the house I want and picture in my mind it always comes up as cute. Even as a child I would draw airplanes shooting and dropping bombs on made up cities and monsters but whenever a single house was included it was cute. One door, chimney, couple of windows, path lined with flowers and grass leading away from the front. Tree with apples and hole in the center was optional of course; as was the smiling, sunglasses wearing sun.

So yeah I just posted about cute. I think I need to go barbecue some meat and watch football now.

Bonus cuteness, now with zombies!!

Free at last

2009-03-17T19:03:00.003-06:00

Free at last, free at last.... As of 1:30 pm MDT on March 17th, 2009 I am debt free!! I just paid off the remaining balance on my car loan and can again live without debt. That and I now have 100% ownership of my car.

My whole life I've dreaded ever going into debt and worked hard to avoid it. When I lost my scholarship (I blame Lauren :-P) at BYU I was afraid I'd have to take out a loan for the first time. Luckily BYU is one of the cheapest Universities around and I got a great job in the Physics Department. Somehow I always managed to break even with a little left over to feed my video game habits. It didn't hurt that I rarely ate anything beyond dinner if I even ate dinner. Oh, and it wouldn't have been possible without $1 Totino's pizzas, tuna, ramen noodles, and Marshmallow Maties, though not mixed together.

Then I graduated and was jobless. Being jobless is usually not a good idea if you want to avoid debt. My ex-wife draining a big chunk of my bank account wasn't all that helpful either. Luckily I had good friends who helped me find an affordable place to stay during my "transition" period. After a while I noticed what little money I had left was quickly running out. I decided to seek employment and by "seek employment" I mean applying for the "sales" job some door to door recruiter offerred me. I put "sales" in quotes because it was nothing more than cold calling people and lying to them about a product I was being lied to about. After a month or so at that place I got fired; mostly because I refused to lie as much as the other sales people. This marked the first time I've ever been fired or worked somewhere doing illegal business.

Now I had no idea what to do. At least I was going to last a little longer or so I thought. Turns out the company I worked for lied about their earnings, product, and ability to actually pay their employees. So after they declared bankruptcy and no longer had to pay anyone I was back where I started except now I needed to get off the road to hell I was on because I was, in essence, stealing from people for a living. Don't get me started on those door to door pest control, security systems, satelite TV, Melaluca, or other similar jobs students like to do. Make tons of money at the price of your soul. Sounds awesome, GO TEAM!!!

Bumming around the apartment one day I got a random phone call from someone who had my resume from a random application I sent in when I graduated. Here was my big break. Finally a real job after college. Suprise! It was phone support! I won't go into detail about the horrors of that job. Anyone who knows me probably has heard the story and I don't want to bite the hand that feeds as it were. I am still with the company but in a much more relaxed and enjoyable position. It all worked out in the end.

So there you go. A post that was just a "Hooray for me!" post has now turned into a life story post. Now to move on to bigger and better things... like a house perhaps.

Mana from the heavens

2009-03-14T00:35:00.002-06:00

Thank goodness they start selling easter candy months in advance.

Oh and in case anyone isn't keeping track (you all should be), there are only 178 days 23 hours and 19 minutes until the movie 9 releases. Trailer

Big deal over Big Love?

2009-03-09T10:33:00.007-06:00

Recently we have been getting a lot of drama over an HBO show notorious for its controversial portrayals of people commonly misconstrued as members of my church. Big Love is the name of the show and it discusses the lives of polygamist practitioners. While this show has claimed it isn't about church members they purposefully use common misconceptions about the church to fuel the publicity behind the show. Their latest stunt is to show sacred ordinances and ceremonies relating to the temple work members of my church perform. Here is where the drama begins...

Lots of people are up in arms about the whole situation and the requisite email chains, facebook groups, and blogs have been popping up all over the place; most of them referencing a picture in a recent TV guide depicting a scene from the show regarding our temple practices. If you read the caption of said picture it states, "Barb's walk of shame is sure to stir the pot..." (emphasis added). Right there it is obvious that HBO wants this to be controversial. They want to stir up discussion, create hype for the show and in the end make more money off the show due to increased viewership. All of this publicity now being generated by those offended (including myself since I wrote this post about it) is only helping HBO get more people interested in the show again. I have seen multiple comments by people who gave up on the show after its then controversial premiere saying they now have a renewed interest in the show and will start watching again. These are people who may not have cared otherwise.

It's not like similar events haven't happened before. With the advent of the Internet nothing is really secret nor sacred anymore. Like it or not temple ordinances are already on the web and available for anyone who cares to look. Often this sort of thing is also filled with partial truths, errors, and much of it is taken out of context. Those who don't understand the religion will obviously get confused, weirded out or angry. That is the whole purpose of those who provide this sort of thing to the public. So why then should we give it more publicity? Why should we make a huge deal out of it? Is it offensive? Yes. Do I feel they belittle and make a spectacle of sacred and important parts of my religion? Yes. But in the end if they want to do it the First Amendment allows that right. There is a lot of stuff published I am offended by or disagree with, but no need to bring it undue attention.

Don't watch it. Don't support it. And Don't make such a big deal about it. Let the church leaders handle it. If it becomes a defamation of the church then the church will deal with it. Don't let our faith be shaken. Be ready and willing to help others better understand the church and clear up the misconceptions. Despite what the show's producers want people to think it is a fictional TV show and the people are not members of the church. What they practice is not what our church teaches and regardless of watever "research" the producers have done the only true way to understand the church and its practices is to speak with the missionaries, speak with our members or visit our website.

Right on cue the church has released a statement that best summarizes this entire situation:

The Publicity Dilemma

Captain Obvious says

2009-03-04T00:41:00.008-07:00

So in thinking about the types of things I wanted to write about in my blog I kind of want to do a periodic post for fun. I was tired of reading "news" articles on completely obvious subjects. Did you know that black people voted for Obama and A-Rod took steroids? I figured that even though I didn't enjoy the articles I would enjoy posting about them in a humorous light. So without further ado I present Captain Obvious' first useless news story.

Peanut butter sales are down! Wow, it's a good thing the fine folks at the New York Times are hard at work bring us such suprising news. I guess the public isn't too keen on consuming a product potentially filled with deadly bacteria. Shocker number two is the fact that people don't visit the FDA website to check the list of recalled products. How many of you even knew they had such a list? Or a nice search engine to find which products are recalled? My point exactly. My equation is so much easier; peanut butter = bird poop in it = killing 9 people = something about Georgia and Texas = don't eat it. Now to finish off those Austin snack crackers I've been munching on....

In the beginning...

2009-02-28T18:14:00.001-07:00

Oh look I've started my own blog. Hooray for me! Basically everyone has a blog now so I figured I might as well jump on the bandwagon. I figure the title of this blog fits this mentality nicely as well. As for my first post I guess I'll just go over a few parts of my life where I decided to join with the cool people.

I remember in High School I was something of a promising swimmer. Unfortuantely I was also a dork. My best friend and I decided we needed to be cool. So what do cool people do? They hug other men while wearing spandex of course. Actually not really but we joined the wrestling team to try and get the coolness we desired. It actually worked out pretty well. I was still a dork but I made some great friends and got respect for being a successful athlete.

Next up was college. I went to BYU and for those of you that don't know, at BYU it is cool to get married and have 9 children in 9 years. So I got married. Unfortunately I also live in the 21st century where it is also cool to get divorced. I guess technically I wasn't the one being cool since I didn't want to get divorced but my wife decided she wasn't cool enough and got it anyway. Independant career women who can't be burdened by having loving husbands are apparently also cool. *cough* yes I am still very bitter about it *cough*

Fast forward to now. Things I have that are cool:

Facebook, check

Used to have Myspace but got rid of it, check

Giant TV, check

Hybrid car, check

Blu rays, check

Nintendo Wii, check

Voted for Obama, check

And now a blog, check.

Looks like I'll be set on coolness for at least a few years. Now to get that cool fetus applet all my married friends use on their blogs...